


paper rings

by kotaro_kun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Child Abandonment, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Hypochondria, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive, Pyromania, Slow Burn, Songfic, Tags May Change, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, there's actually not a lot of angst in this, this a song fic, won't be too angst is mostly fluff don't worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2020-10-20 11:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20674451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotaro_kun/pseuds/kotaro_kun
Summary: "Koutarou realizes that Kuroo is the hoster of the party! And owner of one of the worst apartments Bo has seen to date. And he still doesn't like the couch. And the people. And now he doesn't like the peeling walls too. But he does know the hoster and owner of the apartment and he does like him! And most definitely his smile (not his smirk)! That's no good! But oh well, he is high on second hand pot, in a third (fourth!) hand foam couch and he doesn't mind.""And this was THE BEST kind of anger. It was that dry, unstoppable, unmovable anger. Who just ESCALATED AND ESCALATED. Your face dark and sharp, and you only see red, black and whatever made the beast come out, the one that says rip tear BURN. The type that shows that you're just DONE. AND KUROO WAS SO DONE."Or a fic where Bokuto has OCD and bipolar disorder and Kuroo is a pyromaniac with anger issues.





	1. The moon is high; Like your friends were the night that we first met!

**Author's Note:**

> the first fic that i post hope you guys like, i may change tags and all i don't know yet. 
> 
> the exclamation points are on purpose, they are kinda to emphasize Bo's personality and way of thinking.
> 
> it won't be long 10 chapters max! i hope so, i want to be able to play around with this a little bit.
> 
> feed back would be great!

_"It's alarming honestly how charming he can be  
_ _Fooling everyone, telling how he's having fun"_

* * *

"There will be fun people there Bo!"

Koutarou looks around and doesn't see they. He is sitting at the black leather couch, which could be described as a foam coach, with the little amount of leather it actually has, _ alone _. Because his friends found other friends and forgot this friend. Him!

The apartment is crowded, which is fine because Koutarou does well with people. What he doesn't do well is with this kind of people!

That's why he is in the leather/foam coach, drinking coke, looking down at the floor, with his eyebrows draw close and a pinched face, trying to pretend that he is engrossed on his thinking or high on something, so no one will think _ what a weirdo sitting alone drinking coke at a college party! _

_ But you already showed them, _ he thinks. When he arrived his friends wanted shots, he did. They wanted to dance, he danced. People wanted to talk, he talked. That pretty boy he had seen in the store Kei dies/work at wanted to kiss!, so he kissed. The guys lips were chapped and Bo was afraid it bleeded while they were kissing and now his afraid he has acquired some STD. And then he got tired and sat down on the couch. With his coke the only drink he had the whole night (he had thrown the shots over the side of his head directly into the sink in the kitchen! no drinking!)

He decides he doesn't need this stress. He doesn't like this people. They are loud but not the good loud like _ him _ , they tell weird jokes, talk vulgarly about girls and boys and yell curses at each other. He don't like this apartment. Is shabby, poor, nothing is pretty and everything has had at least three owners before. He don't know how many hands touched this couch and he wants- needs to leave and shower, wash his clothes and he saw a person coughing close to him and he definitely caught the flu now and _ oh god _, he hates his friends from class.

And he doesn't know who is throwing the party anyway.

He is going to leave.

As he goes to get up a hand clamp on his shoulder (!!!), and a person dives in the couch next to him. He loses his balance and his drink (coke) falls on his brand new pants. The ones he bought for a special occasion last week (!) and poorly thought that this was a special occasion and wore them. It was not one and his pants are ruined. Ruined! 

This time the frown on his face is not fake as he turns his head around and is immediately hit with a cloud of, mind you, weed! Fantastic! 

He moves away and the guy laughs. He has a mess of dark hair on top of his head, it looks grease, Koutarou thinks, he doesn't like it. And the guy's smile! he doesn't like it too. 

"Hey want a hit?" The guys all but shoves the tip of the goddamned joint on Kou's nose just a millimeter shy of burning him. 

"Nope, i'm fine" Koutarou smiles because smiling is polite and makes people like you, and hides the ugly frown between his eyebrows too!

The person eyes drifts down from something beyond Koutarou's shoulders and falls to his smile. Then the rest of his face. And Bo does the same. Is not rude if the person in doing it too! Right?

The guy had dark tanned skin, thin eyebrows, brown eyes and pearly white teeth. And the ugly smirk Bo don't like. And his brown irises are surrounded with red veins.

The ugly part of Koutarou. The one he doesn't talk about to anyone!, is happy to notice that Kou is way out of this guy's league. 

But the guy don't notice that. He keeps smiling at him. And he probably didn't notice that he just ruined Koutarou's brand new pants! For special occasions! 

Besides the guy a bunch of other dudes starts piling up in the sofa, with some girls in the mix. They're all laughing and Kou thinks that he most definitely does not need a hit now! Because with the amount of pot this people are carrying around he will get high with only in the reminiscents in the air. And Bo suddenly remembers someone telling him that weed kills your neurons. Amazing. 

"What happened to your pants?"

_ What happened! _

"I spilled my coke." the guy snorts. 

"That drunk are we?" His smirk is not only ugly is annoying, Koutarou decides. 

"Guess so," 

"They look nice."

"What?"

"Your pants," he pauses, smirking widening and eyes locking into gold ones " and your thighs"

Oh! Koutarou's thighs are definitely nice, they used to be harder, now they're softer. But everyone that squeezes them still appreciates them so Kou doesn't mind. 

He doesn't blush. Because why would he? He is not interested in the guy that almost blinded him with the tip of a blunt! And is swarmed with a flock of high friends and more weed and a permanent mist of cheap ganja floats above them that is getting him dizzy! Oh great he met this dude_ three minutes_ ago and he's already doing drugs with him! 

"Thank you!" he smiles again. His toothy smile that makes his cute dimples show and his eyes squeeze. It's his friendly smile not his flirty smile! He doesn't want the guy to think he is interested too. But then again Koutarou _ was _ checking him out too and that is synonym for mutual attraction and _ oh no this guy thinks i'm interested _

"They _ looked _ nice" 

A guy with a weird hairstyle (a bleached mohawk?!) raises a eyebrow at the rat nest guy correcting him and smirks too. You see a pattern here, none of these people smile! they just smirk? Is it the marijuana? Kou wouldn't know. But maybe he will soon with the amount he is inhaling right now, and _ yeah i need to leave. _

He starts to slowly lift himself from the foam couch, 

"Hey aren't you Bokuto Koutarou?"

_ almost! _ Koutarou tries not to wince with annoyance. 

Will he ever be able to leave this couch?! Does it have a spell or something? Is he permanently trapped to this horrendous cubicle with the weed mist floating above them and his pants forever stained with coke?!

"Yes I am" he smiles sympathetically to the girl who asked.

She is perched on the lap of a guy, average guy - no weird hairstyle, she is not smirking, thank god! she is just looking at him weirdly. Which is worst (?!)

"I didn't know you came to this kind of parties."

I don't. I was wronged by my friends!

This time he doesn't answer, just smiles softly and averts his eyes to the peeling wall. Beige. Nice color very entertaining. 

"Oh the cutie from the literature class!" 

The rat nest guy eyes bulge out of his sockets and he smiles surprised. Delighted. 

Cutie. Literature class. Koutarou knows jackshit about this guy. He smiles politely.

The guy just laughs, and takes another hit from the flaming stick, and laughs again. And puffs some more smoke in the air. And then coffs. And then Koutarou laughs because, - he doesn't know why he just does. 

"You don't recognize me do you?" 

"We have classes together?" Koutarou's learned this! if you don't want to be rude you have to lie and if you don't want to lie you deflect and the best way to deflect? Asking a question back! 

"You don't" the guy's eyebrows lowers in a deadpan and his tower of friends behind him laughs, and Bo smiles awkwardly because _ what _

Then he belatedly realizes that his deflection wasn't the best one, but oh well, he tried. And now he kinda feels bad because the guy has a mess of a hair and is tall and should be easy to spot but Koutarou didn't even notice him in class, and he needs to fix this he's not an asshole! 

"I always sit in the front so maybe…"

He starts but then the guy and his friends are laughing again and Kou is looking from one to the other and _ what is funny and oh my god is it me am I the joke _ , and he tightens the grip on his half splashed cup of coke. He's not smiling friendly anymore. _ He wants to leave. _

He tries to get up again and _ goddammit _ another hand stops him this time on his thigh and he is sure about to tell the person to fuck off when he sees the joint guy smiling. Smiling! At him with a little bit of laughter left on his voice. 

"I don't have literature class,"

He says smiling, looking directly at Bo's eyes. And Kou would've found it pretty if he now didn't think that the guy was a creepy _ and _ annoying, because how would he know Kou's classes if they've never talked or take the same classes!

"Then how do you know?"

"I saw you on campus and thought you were cute. A friend told me he had classes with you."

"What friend?" he inquires surprised because before today he couldn't imagine one of his friends being friends with _ him _.

"Tsukishima" 

Oh.

His face is neutral which is rare because he is a very expressive person! But he kinda of gave up at this point, he don't think he has a facial expression to use when discovering that Tsukishima, (Tsukishima!), is friends with drug users and loud people that lives in shabby apartments with foam couches. Tsukishima! he never thought he would need a facial expression like that and he doesn't know if his muscles are capable of doing one. 

"Kei does drugs?!" he exclaims surprised, his expressions back. Tenfold he can tell, his eyes must be bigger than platters.

"Sometimes, yes." The guys says amused. He passes the joint to someone else in his tower of friends and scoots closer and Bo scoots away, and would have gone even more farther wasn't the armrest of the couch. _The armrest had leather! _ Because this guy was looking at him weird. Predatory. And confidently and Koutarou didn't like when people looked like that because then he felt obligated to do whatever the person wanted so he wouldn't let the person down. _But you don't know him. _

"I'm Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsurou. Chemistry." And now you know. 

And Kou, he swears to god, tries not make a disgusted face but it just comes out. It's in his DNA to detest exact sciences. The guy - Kuroo Tetsurou! he had a name now! - Laughs and is a nice laughter but Bo wants to go home, his pants are sticking to his thighs,he will have to shower, he is getting high he can tell, or is just placebo effect or some shit but he swears things are getting fuzzy, and Kuroo! is looking at his lips and Bo will _ not _kiss that mouth that just inhaled half the cloud of weed in this room, so he smiles! You can't kiss people when they smile right? but maybe you can and Kou hopes a tinnie tiny bit that Kuroo knows how to do that. 

Kuroo doesn't, thank God. Or not. Koutarou don't know anything for sure at this point. 

But he is about to open his mouth and talk more and his friends are looking at them with suggestive glances and the tower of people gets smaller as they scramble away (_ to give them privacy?) _Oh no! no no no! 

But Kuroo don't try to kiss Bo. The _ whole _ night! They talk about college, then they talk about Tsukki, then they make jokes about Tsukki, then they make puns and then someone breaks something in the kitchen and they (Kuroo's friends who formed the tower) appears to call him with sheepish expressions and Koutarou realizes that Kuroo is the hoster of the party! And owner of one of the worst apartment Bo has seen to date. And he still doesn't like the couch. And the people. And now he doesn't like the peeling walls too. But he does know the hoster and owner of the apartment and he does like him! And most definitely his smile (not his smirk),! That's no good! But oh well, he is high on second hand pot, in a third _ fourth _ hand foam couch and he doesn't mind.


	2. Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Tetsu's own page reflects the course he's majoring. Only there's a lot of videos of things exploding and melting and LOTS AND LOTS of fires;"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo i wanted to update every tuesday but then i got lazy with editing this chapter and now i'm updating at thursday, BUT i hope to update EVERY TUESDAY! but no promises tho, because i haven't even started with the next one, so maybe every thursday? don't know we'll see.

_"Bite my glass, set myself on fire_  
_Can't you tell I'm crass?_  
_Can't you tell I'm wired?"_

* * *

Kuroo Tetsurou woke up at 3PM, accessed his situation (no headache, no nausea, not a single symptom of the DEATH AGONY called hangover, NICE - the perks of only using weed at a party) and so he padded his way down the hallway of his apartment, not caring to avoid the trash, plastic cups, paper towers, food, bottles and just pure junk that was scattered across his apartment floor. His friends of course weren't there anymore, probably left when the party died down so they wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath. Typical. Throw a party at Tetsurou's apartment, destroy it all and then leave so he can clean it all and hey let’s do it again next week. He will get around to cleaning it. Eventually.

As he crossed the corridor he noticed Kenma’s door still closed, and didn't bothered to check on him. _ He’s fine _ , he told himself. He didn’t came out of his room last night (not that this was any news), and probably won’t come out until a few hours _ and if i go in there and wake him up he’ll just scream and throw part of his huge pile of laundry at me_, which you can bet Kuroo told him about five hundred times to do in the last month. He is pretty sure Kenma has only been using dirty clothes for the last two weeks, if the stains and wrinkles are any indicator, but he won’t comment on it. He is pretty sure _ he’s _been doing that too. 

And besides if Kenma is not fine he’ll spend two months without talking to Kuroo and is going to take at least a month for Tetsu to notice it but it's fine, in their relationship only one does the talking anyway. And Kenma needs him. He knows this and Kenma does too. 

From the refrigerator Tetsurou grabbed an energy drink (he’s drinking it because he’s still sleepy not because he has a hangover, if you have a hangover and you say that Red Bull is the best way to cure it he would laugh to your face), the last one, - hasn’t he been doing grocery shopping lately? He’s sure Kenma hasn’t -, and goes back to his room to sit on _ his _pile of dirty laundry. Not just dirty laundry. ALL HIS CLOTHES. Because all his clothes were dirty. In his defense is not a huge pile like his roommate's.

It used to be bigger but last week was cold, and he was bored, and none of his friends wanted to hang out and he was fed up with his room smelling like ass because of all the filthy socks and shirts and underwear that took most of the space - and his twitter needed some action too. So he decided to make a fire. A big fire on the parking lot of his complex. He texted his friends telling them what he was gonna do, and just like magic, ALL OF THEM were in the parking lot smoking and laughing, and just watching Kuroo carry the piles and piles of clothes - it took three trips for him to clean the path from his door to his bed off of clothes -, and so after that proceeded to watch him run to the convenience store across the street to buy matches, the ones that he wasn’t allowed to have because _ fire is dangerous Tetsurou and so you and matches are not a good combination _ and then lighting everything up. 

It had been AWESOME, he even sended a video to his parents and he saw Kenma watching from the window, together with his neighbours. And he was happy because EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT HIM AND HE WAS LOOKING AT THE FIRE, and his friends were there and his parents were calling and screaming at him and Kenma came out of his room. And then someone called the police, which was mildly annoying but Kuroo had anticipated it. He knew what to say. _ It is a controlled fire officer, yes it is a BIG controlled fire and it is trash, MY trash, I’m allowed to burn trash after 4pm, and yes I’m the kid who was responsible for that fire in the chemistry department, but that was an accident I didn't knew it would happen. _

And after the fire went out, the police left, the neighbours had gone back to their apartments and the only thing left was the ashes for Tetsu to clean, his friends had jumped into their cars and left him. His parents had stopped yelling at him and he was alone. Again. And bored. Again. And when he came back Kenma took the matches from him. And now he only had a couple shirts, two jeans, five shorts and some pajama pants. There was still socks everywhere and he may have burned all of his underwear but he is sure some is hidden somewhere waiting to be found if he cleaned his room. He snorted, _ who needs underwear. _

He grabbed his phone and opened the Twitter App searching Tsukishima Kei. He follows him, and Tsukki follows him back, one out of all his one thousand followers, _I like it, _ he thinks, _ maybe I'll start calling him that. _ Tsukishima only had fifty followers, because his tweets are _ locked_, and took Tetsurou three months to make Kei accept him as a follower and even longer for him to follow back, but that makes it all the easier for Kuroo, who is just looking for ONE PERSON he is sure follows the fry AND THERE IT IS BOKUTO KOUTAROU.

Their campus couldn’t be farther from each other, but some days ago - or weeks, Kuroo wasn’t counting - he was passing by the store Tsukishima worked at, with all the intention to stop and bother him for some time - he absolutely loved Tsukki’s dry sense of humour, it really worked for him, and even more his sarcastic remarks -, but instead of a bored cashier or the antipatic pole Tsukishima liked to be, he had seen the blond actually being FRIENDLY to someone and almost smiling, and if that wasn’t enough to capture Tetsurou’s attention then what would be? As surreptitiously as he managed he glued his face to the shop window and stared at the object of Kei’s mercy. 

A boy.

From his unprivileged position Kuroo could see that the boy was in fact a very pretty boy. He had white hair falling on his forehead and around his face and the palest skin Tetsurou had ever seen, accentuated by his stark white shirt, the blue veins visible under his skin. From afar the raven could see the boy was shorter than Tsukishima, way shorter, but nicely built, with softly defined arms. He was smiling but that was about all Tetsu could make out of him. 

Now, Kuroo isn't one to stick his nose on another's business or make strangers uncomfortable, so he quickly scampered, leaning against a light post when the whitie left the store giving a loud farewell at Kei. 

Granted being 6'3 made it pretty hard for Tetsurou to go unnoticed, and it was even least favorable when he just wasn't a subtle person. So of course the boy's gaze was immediately draw to him once his eyes left the inside of the store. 

He smiled.

A amigable smile. Just a little lopsided with his teeth showing. But his eyes stayed open and trained on Kuroo, wary of him. 

From his now privileged position, Kuroo could tell that the guy was in fact very attractive. Like FUCK, NO WAY I'M GETTING IN THERE attractive. At first he thought his hair may be dyed but from a ten foot distance he could see the beautiful white lashes framing big round eyes. Kuroo wanted so bad to see what color those eyes were, he had a feeling it would be an unusual color just like the rest of this boy. (Later he found out he was right, Bokuto’s eyes were a beautiful honey color, almost gold).

He had NEVER seen someone so different and SO BEAUTIFUL in his entire life, outside models on internet. And Tetsurou had not even once heard someone talk about this man. _ What the fuck. _

With all this going on his head Tetsu only managed a unimpressed lift of a eyebrow. Because he had a habit of shutting down when he was too overwhelmed. AND HE WAS FUCKING OVERWHELMED OKAY. 

And all he was left with was a nod and a last once over. (He now knew that he was so unmemorable to Koutarou that he didn't even recognize him at HIS OWN PARTY. He was trying not to think about it).

As previously stated Tetsurou does not pry on other people's business. But Tsukishima is not 'other people'. He had decided that some time ago. He liked the blond thus he would make an exception for him. A huge fucking honour.

With the most _ lowkey air _ he could muster he walked inside the store. Eyes flicking through the shelves full of food, not once looking at Tsukki. As if that wasn't suspect at all. He thought about starting to hum a song, to look like he was distracted. He may be good at this hun.

"Tetsurou" the voice was so flat and devoid of emotion that it could have been said by a corpse. It didn't bother Kuroo. 

"KEI!" he exclaimed doing a big show of widening his eyes and what he hoped was somewhat a surprised expression and if Kei's deadpan face was anything to go by then, no, it wasn't. Ok fuck being subtle.

"I saw you-" he sniffed, rubbing under his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. Tsukishima's face scrunched up. It was funny the things that would get a reaction out of this dude. Set fire to a toilet? A _ impressive Kuroo now do you really know the precedents of this weed. _ Try to feed him? The only time he ever witnessed another emotion besides disgust on that pretty face. _ Panic _. "talking to that dude."

There was no response as there was no question, but fuck Tsukishima could make things easier sometimes man. 

"Who is him?" 

"A friend" 

"C’mon man give me something” the raven groaned exasperated, his shoulders sagging as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling. 

"You do realize I only hang out with you for the weed right? We’re not friends." Tsukishima raised an eyebrow but Kuroo noticed his hands coming together in front of him behind the counter. _ Oh_. Deflecting. AND uncomfortable. What a glorious day for the _ "Tsukishima has real emotions and a heart?" _researchers.

"Please just tell me from where you know him so I can go stalk him like a creepy." the sly grin on Kuroo's face was all the more annoying he knew, but he couldn't help. 

"If you’re trying to make me_ not _say it then you're well on your path."

“I’ll give you all the weed you want,” Tetsurou relanted, eyes immediately catching the way Tsukishima went rigid. Tetsu never tried harder to retain a grin, if Kei were a dog his ears would be all alert. “for free.”

Now tetsu isn’t one to use his money to get his way, because first it’s not his money it’s _ his parent’s money _, and second nobody likes a person who flashes cash at every opportunity but this is an emergency. And he knows Tsukishima is short on money, his royal highness job on this goddamn awful convenience store is enough proof. But Kuroo didn’t enjoy pointing that out too. 

“What makes you think I’m not interested in him?”

“If you were you would have said it from the beginning.” Kuroo shooted.

“I have classes with him.”

It was a lie. Kuroo knew the moment it left Tsukishima’s mouth. He went to the engineering campus and Kuroo had some friends there. He had NEVER seen the man before and oh wouldn’t one of his friends had notice him too.

He didn’t even put the effort into pointing Kei’s lie, because 1) Tsukishima NEVER LIES. He hates dealing with the hassle of having to come up with a lie and then the energy to keep the lie up. 2) He was nervous. Kuroo never in a million years thought he would see the day Tsukishima fucking Kei would be nervous AND lie but here we are. Never say never, or whatever the fuck they say.

He sighed pushing his hands into his pockets. Kuroo knew went to stop to not be an asshole. DESPITE WHAT PEOPLE THINK. He had to learn it if he wanted to have friends besides Kozume, and right now if he pushed he would be an asshole and Kei was one sometimes but it was just his defence mechanism, Kuroo understood, he went through that phase when he was sixteen (_ nobody understands me in this house and I can’t wait to leave this town _ phase). And if Tsukishima was resigning to lying he _ really _ wanted the weed, in fact it had been sometime since he last asked Kuroo some. And also really wanted to hide where he knew the guy from. _ Shit, _now Tetsurou was more curious than ever.

_ Great, _ he would have to be a nice person right now. It’s ok, he had time.

“I’ll have a party next saturday,” he told him, eyebrows raised. A clear message. “at my place, starts at seven. If you can get him there then deal.”

And that was the end of it. Kei nodded, Kuroo bought some instant noodles, Tsukishima ringed it and he left.

At saturday night Bokuto was sitting on his couch and by monday Tsukishima would have his weed. How Tsukki managed that? Kuroo liked to think the devil worked in mysterious ways. 

Once he clicked on the profile the first thing that his eyes jumped to was the profile picture which was not him but a character from a 90’s movie. Boring. Then HOLY FUCK he has three thousand followers. Kuroo scrolls through his tweets and is immediately enamored. Koutarou philosophies on the dumbest shit possible, like pigeons, and the position of beds, and he makes the stupidest reflections but he’s clearly some sort of genius, because everything makes sense, even if they’re about bathroom mirrors. He is surprised to see that his tweets are relatable EVEN FOR TETSU HIMSELF who doesn't relate to anything or anyone. 

The raven end up spending at least half an hour scrolling through the guy’s profile, and laughed a good amount of times with his tweets, granted he raised his eyebrows in surprise a couple times too with some really, really profound ones. They looked out of a book but he knew they were Koutarou’s own thoughts (because he related to those too).

Also there's a lot of literature stuff, reflections and quotes and just his thoughts on some pieces. It made sense considering that Kou had told him the night before (that he, adimitly doesn't remember _ a lot _ but remembers _ enough) _ is in college for literature and languages, which confirmed that Tsukishima was lying. At first he didn't thought it suited the boy. He looked like someone who would major in business, or architecture what with the fancy clothes and ill hidden disgust of drugs ( and of his friends too, and his apartment), and apparently aversion to alcohol (don't think Kuroo didn't notice he was a hundred percent sober, and was not the designed driver).

Tetsu's own page reflected the course he's majoring. Only there's a lot of videos and photos of things exploding and melting and other experiments he did because he was feeling BORED and LEFT OUT and wanted to show he could have fun by himself and make sure his friends knew they were always missing out when they weren’t with him _ and look guys how interesting and fun and amazing spending time with me is I can explode all this shit in the lab, and set fire to this and melt this you guys are really missing out. _

He had gotten in some trouble but nothing major, he _ had _ been careful and nobody ever got hurt. It also helped that his grades were the best in the class. But after that whole accident with setting fire to the lab that - his parents were still paying for, and he was ALMOST kicked out of college he started being even more careful. Doing his experiments at home. _ Burning his own clothes in the desperation. _

He hitted follow. Ok, time to make some explosive paper in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah this first chapters were just so i could introduce the characters and all, next chapter is when their story together starts;
> 
> comments would be awesome you know guys and any mistakes or typos you can tell me. english isn't my first language so it may have some. or many.


	3. The wine is cold; Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"Well, an hour later and fuck that idea of giving Kuroo a chance. Kou did care for his life and clearly being friends with Kuroo was not the right way to preserve it."_

_"Don't you know you're no good for me?_  
_I gotta trust my lonely."_

* * *

In Koutarou's opinion living with Akaashi was the _ best_! He always cleaned the house, always bought the groceries, always cooked, always woke Bokuto up at the same time _ everyday _so Kou could eat his breakfast and study! Always!

Sure sometimes Akaashi's hands were red and cracking, rough with the amount of cleaning products and _ scrubbing scrubbing scrubbing _ he would do everyday, even though the house never got dirty. And yeah sometimes Bo got annoyed when his roommate yelled at him for placing the TV remote in the wrong place, or opening the fridge without washing his hands after coming home - _ why would you do that? now the germs from outside are in the fridge! in our food! _ \- he would yell at him and then he would start taking the bleach and clean supplies from the cabinet under the sink because now the germs are everywhere! In our kitchen and in our apartment and Koutarou would go to his room, eyes welled up with tears because he had upset Akaashi yet again. He would shower and scrub his skin red and raw while his friend scrubbed the fridge and counters until _his_ hands were red and raw. But everything would be okay because the next day they would go grocery shopping together and would buy all the food thrown away again. And Akaashi would cook when they got back, because he only trusted himself and his mom to know how to wash the vegetables properly. 

Koutarou understood. Keiji liked routine. And Kou was so so so _ so _ grateful for that because he liked routine too! A lot! He enjoyed every part of his day, he did! And if everyday was the same then he would enjoy everyday! Even though sometimes he forgot the routine or got annoyed with it. Like when sometimes he didn't want to wake up at eight in the morning, but he had to in order to be able to do his yoga and then eat his breakfast before nine so he could go to his first class of the day or study! It was all so he could optimize his day to it's maximum! 

But today was one of those days when Kou had his alarm blaring and his roommate coming into his room every five minutes to say _ "Bokuto you have to wake up. Its fifteen past eight, and the pancakes will be cold" . _Pancakes, yea! Because today was sunday and sunday's were the lazy days and pancake days! Kou will get up, do his morning routine and then he’s going to eat pancakes with coffee (decaf) with 'Kaashi and both will talk about their week. Then Keiji would clean while Bo layed on the couch, reading a book for his class. After all the dishes were cleaned, the dinner table shining, the floor swiped and everything in its order Akaashi will join him, reading a book too, but not for his class. The raven was majoring in mathematics, and Koutarou didn't thought there was a lot of reading to do in math classes. He would have enjoyed them a hell of a lot more in high school if there was more reading and less numbers, he thinks.

With a groan he slowly got up from the bed. He never felt more disoriented, tripping over his own comforters and falling to the floor with a tud and another groan. He kinda wanted to just lay there in the floor and go back to sleep. This was one of the days where he hated routine and he hated Akaashi, and mostly he hated himself because even if Keiji didn’t wake him up, which he probably wouldn’t if Bokuto told him that he wanted to sleep or wasn’t feeling good, Koutarou wouldn’t be able to. Because that’s how things fall apart you start slacking off one day and then the next thing you know everything is a mess that you can’t fix. 

So he didn’t stay on the floor, he got up and within three steps tripped _ again _ and fell on his knees, this time with a whimper and a cry of _ why? _ He rolled onto his back, whining all the while trying to disentangle the fabric that was stuck to his feet like a snake and he _ wanted to cry so bad_. When he finally broke free and was holding the damned thing to his face he realized it was his designer pants, that he had gotten on a whim, and were sticking to his fingers and smelling like coke and another thing. Weed? And then it all came to him, why he was dying. Because he had stayed out until three in the freaking morning, inhaling a cloud of weed and talking to a guy with the most terrible bed hair Houtarou had ever seen and - by the end of the night - had a really charming smirk. 

And the conversations! They talked so much, Koutarou really couldn't remember the last time he had been kept entertained for more than twenty minutes by someone but Kuroo had so much interesting things to say and stories to tell and when he finally had to give attention to something other than Bo, the blond noticed that the coke stain on his pants were dry and half the people in the party weren’t there anymore. Not even his classmates. They had left without him but it was okay, he probably looked like he was having too much fun to be interrupted. He hoped that was that, not that they had forgot him. 

It had been a good night! Why couldn’t all parties be like that? He had been invited to many parties and had went to most of them. He wouldn't’ say that he hadn’t had fun on them because he had, it was just that he wasn’t _ only _ having fun. While he was dancing he was worried of looking ridiculous or hyper aware of all the sweaty people around him, just an inch away of touching him. Or when he was in a group having a conversation, trying to figure out if he was being annoying or if what he wanted to say was actually interesting and if anyone would listen. He was always, always with something else on his mind, always thinking and rethinking everything he did and said. It was hard having fun when you never got to enjoy it fully and unabashedly. But it was fine, having a _ little _fun was better than having no fun at all!

But last night was different, Kuroo told him stories, and talked about his experiments in chemistry, and cats! And lots and lots of scientific facts that Bo had never heard before, Koutarou countering him telling all the owl facts he collected over the years, some fun stories that he had read; Kuroo made so many facial expressions and double meaning remarks that he somehow managed to keep Kou’s attention all to himself, the white haired not having time to double think what he said because he was busy keeping up with everything the raven said! 

He got up from the floor throwing the dirty pant in his laundry basket, turning off the yellow string lights on his wall and around his bed frame, then proceeding to open up his blinds letting the natural light into the room. He paused to take a deep breath and watch the park across his apartment. The sun shining on all the corners of the room, the rays bouncing back from the mirror and decorations scattered across the surfaces. The smell of coffee and sweet scent of pancakes travelling all the way from the kitchen into Bo’s room, making his nose wrinkle with the rumble his stomach gave, remembering the boy that he hadn’t eaten since dinner last night. _ A perfect sunday morning. _ He thought with a smile, heading out of the room and into the bathroom. 

* * *

“What time did you come home last night?” Was the first thing that came out of Keiji’s mouth after Koutarou sat himself at the table, in front of fluff pancakes and a cup of decaf. He blinked.

“3AM I think” He grabbed the butter stick, messily slicing it and lifting the pancakes with his fingers to place one piece in between each one.

“Remind me to put the butter for you while I’m making them next time.” Akaashi said in disgust, Koutarou lifted his head licking his thumb and pointer finger, completely ignoring the napkins in front of him, and reaching for the bottle of syrup.  
  
“I like to put the butter myself,” He said before Keiji snatched the glass first and started pouring it into Kou’s pancakes! for him! Inciting a frown from the other. “And my own syrup, you know I like it a certain way.” A certain way indeed, he had a special way of pouring it that wouldn’t make the butter in the first pancake run down and still have the perfect amount for the other pancakes in the bottom of the plate. The way Akaashi was doing was a mess! He was just flooding Kou’s plate with the liquid, no pattern, all the butter dripping to the plate too. 

Akaashi ignored the glare sent his way and kept gushing the syrup, Bokuto too bemused by his friend's actions to do anything but stare at the pool of sugary liquid on his plate. Only when he shrieked “enough!” Keiji lifted the bottle cleaning the neck and placing it back into place. He had stopped the moment Kou had said to but apparently still had done something wrong because the other gave the pancakes a nasty stare for at least 5 seconds before slowly grabbing his fork and knife still staring at his plate, a upset look on his face.

It was all wrong, and Koutarou wasn’t excited to eat anymore but he knew Akaashi put work into making this! and he would never let the other go into the kitchen and make his own food, so he pushed down the upset and anger and stabbed his fork into the pile. He knew he didn’t have the happiest expression at the moment but he didn’t care. From the other side of the table he heard Akaashi sigh but he couldn’t even bother to lift his eyes from his food, cutting the cakes and slowly bringing them to his lips. All he could taste was the sugar! He wanted to cry. _Again_.

“Do you want mine?”

No he didn’t, he wanted his pancakes before Keiji had ruined it.

Bokuto knew he couldn’t blame Akaashi for what he did, not really. He was aware that his friend hated mess and would hate to have a bottle of syrup all dirty with Kou’s mouth germs smeared all over it but he still did it. Not on purpose! He was just so hungry! And the raven had acted the same way he did: on impulse. He already cooked all the food Bokuto eat and most people wouldn’t mind having another person help them with their breakfast, but he should’ve known better with Bokuto. 

“No it’s fine,” He said while chewing, Keiji’s face started to twist in disgust but he stopped himself in the middle, looking down at his own plate and starting to eat. 

That was the easy thing about living with Akaashi and why Koutarou dreaded the day they would move to separate apartments: they understood each other's quirks and obsessions. There was no judgement between the two, they both knew they weren’t normal and that was okay inside their apartment! Kou could bitch about Keiji pouring the syrup for him and ‘Kaashi could demand that his roommate always washed his hand and used the alcohol in gel before sitting at the table. And both could obsess over a routine that they stuck to since moving together a year ago and the meal plan they had not changed in four months! Salad and chicken on mondays, meat stew on tuesday (that they eat the leftovers on wednesday too!) and japanese take out on saturday! 

But they would probably have to change it soon, Bo was starting to get tired of sushi, he wanted to try thai food!

"Did you have fun? You usually don't stay out that late." 

It was true, Bokuto tried to get home before on in the morning. Even though it wasn't his usual seven am wake up time he still had to get up early to do everything he had to. And anyway he never had any desire to stay out later than that, it was usually around that time that people was too drunk and strangers were too into his space. 

"I did, actually!" He smiled brightly at the other man, his upsetting thoughts immediately being replaced with memories from the night before. Akaashi only lifted an inquiring eyebrow, a tiny smile on his lips. 

"Why?"

"There was this guy, the hoster of the party actually." He pointed his fork across the table. "Very messy guy. His hair is a disaster his apartment even worse!" He exclaimed.

"That doesn't seem like a nice guy." Akaashi had a frown on his face and Kou wanted to roll his eyes. Of course a messy guy was not a nice guy for Akaashi. Or even for Bokuto maybe. But he did make up with personality!

"Yeah that's what I thought too! But guess who he's friends with?" He demanded almost vibrating because Akaashi would never guess, never in a million years!

"Your classmates?"

"Tsukishima!" This time both of Akaashi's eyebrows shot up in pleasant surprise first, but then his expression turned concerned. Oh Bokuto knew why was that.

"Did you tell him from where you knew each-"

"No!" He didn't even let Keiji finish as excited as he was to tell what he discovered about their oh so put together and dry friend. "Kei said that he had classes with me, he lied of course I never saw him in class, but I didn't tell Kuroo that." 

He didn't told Akaashi that even Kuroo seemed to not believe in what Tsukishima had told him, but also he seemed to not care. So maybe they weren't that close of friends if he didn't mind Kei lying, he pondered. 

"Kuroo?" Bokuto looked up from his plate, piece of pancake halfway to his mouth with how flat his friend's voice was and then noticed how flat his friend's _ whole _demeanor was. Displeased.

"Yeah. Kuroo Tetsurou. You know him too? I mean, he told me that he and Kei did drugs together are you and him doing drugs too? That's how you know him too?"

You see, even though Akaashi Keiji was disgusted with a lot of things in the world (not on purpose! It was just part of him!), he usually managed to keep a _ very _ straight and blank expression on most situations, the perfect poker face. So when his eyebrows drew together and his mouth twisted in distaste Bokuto almost spat off the food in his mouth.

"I would _ never _ do drugs, you know it."

"I know! I'm sorry!" Koutarou whined ashamed slamming his face on the table surface, his cheek pressed into the cold glass. 

He heard Akaashi sigh and his silverware clicking into the bottom of the plate when he placed them down. Lifting his head Bo looked at his friend, afraid that he would find him upset (and just after Koutarou had been upset too! This morning was awful!), but the raven was back with the blank look on his face staring straight into Kou's eyes. This meant business!

"Kuroo Tetsurou have a fame around campus, that's all." When the only thing Bo did was make a confused noise he continued. "He does a lot of stupid things. And dangerous too." He added the last part with a lift of his brow. Koutarou _ hated _ dangerous things!

"Oh."

"Yes, so I don't know if he would be the best company for you. I'm afraid he might drag you into one of his mess."

Koutarou pretended he was surprised. He had seen the signs, he means, the guy's apartment were covered in litter and ganja! And some of his stories did seem dangerous, but he thought maybe it was just a ocasional thing, you know, he heard that people do stupid thing when they're drunk (or high!) so he assumed Kuroo could still be a pleasant person to be around, if he had been a great _ great! _ company while high, - which is just about the worst scenario Kou could see himself interacting with a person - , and hadn’t done anything that may harm Kou or himself, then he certainly was very entertaining and fun when he was sober! And safe.

He wasn't going to take Akaashi's words to heart. Even though his friend was a righteous person what he considered a _ mess _usually wasn't the same thing Kou considered a mess.

So he was going to give Kuroo a chance. 

* * *

Well, an hour later and fuck that idea of giving Kuroo a chance. Kou did care for his life and clearly being friends with Kuroo was not the right way to preserve it.

Bokuto had gone through his daily routine after breakfast (brushing his teeth, light yoga and meditation and yada yada yada). Then he sat down at his usual spot in the couch with one of the books he had to read for his class in one hand and his cellphone in the other. He wanted to follow Kuroo on twitter so he would know that Kou wanted to be friends! he hoped that was the message it would carry at least. But when he found the boy's profile (it hadn't been hard, turns out there isn't a lot of Kuroo's on twitter) he had been so horrified with what he had witnessed, that he had to lock his phone and just lay on the couch disassociating for a bit.

The guy was a danger to himself.

There was so many videos of fires, and explosions and things melting and bubbling and other very _ very _disgusting things that made it very hard for Bokuto to comprehend how Tetsurou had made it this far in life. 

Everything was a nightmare for Kou. All this substances and liquids that clearly shouldn't be in the hand of an unsupervised problematic (because at this point that's what he thought of the guy) person like him, just made him sick. Imagine how many poisoned things he might have touched or inhaled. And all this people around him just watching he do stupid stuff! Did they not care about Kuroo’s safety? And what if he got them hurt? What if something exploded on someone's face or someone lost a member or something? 

He wasn't just a danger to himself. He was a danger to everyone around him. 

So later, when he got a notification of a new follow on twitter and saw that it was Kuroo he didn’t get happy and excited like he thought he would be that morning.

He didn’t follow back either. Just closed his phone and redirected his attention to the TV in front of him, playing a TV show he and Akaashi had already bind watched about three hundred times.

Like his routine Kou had a thing with his entertainment choices. He very rarely watched new things unless he was sure he would like them, like Marvel movies!, you could never go wrong with a Marvel movie. But he didn’t like to take risks, just the thought of sitting for two hours watching a movie that he might not like, made him feel uncomfortable. He could be rewatching a movie or that TV series that he liked instead of wasting that time on something bad.

There’s no reason to change something if what you have is already good enough.

* * *

On wednesday he saw Kuroo again.

He was on the convenience store Tsukishima worked on, picking up some wine for Wine Wednesday with Akaashi.

Neither of them was twenty one yet, but they chose wednesdays for a reason. When Kou placed the bottle in the cashier the blond didn’t even cocked a brow, just ringed it and took Kou’s money. He was the only one working this shift and was nice enough to let his friend buy the alcohol without even showing a fake ID - that Bokuto didn’t have. 

“You can keep the change,” he smiled when Kei looked up at him with both eyebrows raised. This was a part of their routine Tsukki should know! Bokuto always let him keep the change, even if by now he knew that the wine cost twenty five dollars, and he more than likely had a five dollar bill inside his backpack to give with the twenty bucks instead of giving forty dollars. But his friend was just so nice! Breaking the rules for them and he just had to thank him somehow! And yes, it also helped that Kou knew Tsukishima account could use a little fifteen dollars. But he wouldn’t say that! He would use the excuse of the wine.

He grabbed the bottle and placed it with care inside of his backpack, rearranging his books and other belongings to have it fit safely. When he looked up Tsukishima was still looking at him, not with a “_are you sure” _expression like before, but with expectation like he was waiting for the other to say something, and he almost fell for it! He almost asked _ what is it? _ when he remembered Kuroo saying that Kei told him they had classes together. And realized that Tsuki also knew that he had went to the party, _ had Kuroo told him? _ Even if he wanted to know he didn’t asked, the host from the party was a topic that Koutarou would not discuss. He had decided that on sunday! No Kuroo’s from now on!

“Bye!” He smiled, even larger than normal and turned not waiting for the usual small smile as a response, walking towards the door that was currently being pushed open by… Kuroo Tetsurou himself. Awesome. 

At first Koutarou shut down, and then he thought he may have time to hide behind one of the shelves in the store, but then he realized he took too long thinking and now Kuroo for sure had seen him! If he hadn’t spotted him before coming inside!

So he had his third idea that was, at this point the only idea he could come up with that would serve its purpose: he just ducked his head and walked past Kuroo to the door, his face burning, his jaw set and a choral of _ don’t recognize me please don’t recognize me _ chanting in his head. He almost didn’t hear the “Hey” thrown his way and pretended to not notice the other boy stopping when Koutarou speed walked by him opening and closing the door, continuing his march down the street. 

The wind hitted his face and Kou kinda wanted to cry, he kinda wanted to cry _ a lot _ because he had _ ignored someone _ and he had never done it and he felt so bad and oh my god it’s not fair to Kuroo he did nothing but be himself and Kou had not even smiled at him! He was the worst!

The walk to his apartment never felt so long, it seemed like a pilgrimage but in reality it must have taken ten minutes. However it was enough time for him to come up with a plausible excuse to his behavior if a confrontation with Kuroo - something he greatly feared - ever arrived, or in the unlikely event Tsukishima cared to ask him about a weird behavior (it had yet to happen, Kei was very good at minding his own business). Granted, as always, the best option Bokuto had was the worst excuse possible but at least he _ had _ one: _ I didn’t noticed you! _

He sighed cringing at himself and started the climb to his apartment.

* * *

Later that night when he was two glasses of wine in and holding a third one he went back to Kuroo’s twitter. He just felt _ so _bad. So of course he had to rewatch all the terribly unsafe videos the raven posted to remind himself why he needed to distance!

But he found he could only concentrate in the laughs and screams and excited smiles he heard and saw in the videos. Tetsurou’s eyes shining looking at a blue glowing water Koutarou had no idea what was but looked beautiful. His smile and his friends cheers when they were roasting sausages in what looked like a couch on fire. Every video was different, it looked like Kuroo never had the same day twice.

He sipped his wine again, savoring the taste. It was the first brand and kind he had bought since the first time. He never changed it. Never tasted another wine. He didn’t even know if this was good wine. But he could swallow it, and so could Akaashi and it did the job. It made them relax while doing assignments, making the words come easier. 

He thought he may try another brand next wednesday, if it was okay with Akaashi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment feedback is always great, thank you for reading!


	4. Cat and mouse for a month or two or three;

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _   
"And this was THE BEST kind of anger. It was that dry, unstoppable, unmovable anger. Who just ESCALATED AND ESCALATED. Your face dark and sharp, and you only see red, black and whatever made the beast come out, the one that says    
_   
rip tear BURN.    
__   
The type that shows that you're just DONE. AND KUROO WAS SO   
DONE."   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my dudes this was hard to write, because i didn't have a reference for this anger that Kuroo haves, i don't understand it very well, but i did my research and i hope it is good. you can totally see my struggle in the beginning of the chapter tho. it gets better in the middle, i was just struggling with portraying tsuki too. Enjoy!

_"In my dreams I_  
_ burn down  
my childhood home_

_ But in my nightmares  
I still live there" _

* * *

Kuroo may or may not have stayed rooted at the same place watching the door two minutes after Bokuto had left. Tsukishima seemed to want him to have his moment, since he hadn't broken the silence yet. That or he was shocked too. Because Tetsu was. 

He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t sad. He was just SHOCKED. 

Slowly he turned his head to the cashier who was looking at him with a bemused expression and a frown on his face, _ my my so he was he worried? _ He wondered amusedly. 

“That was Bokuto, right?” He vaguely gestured to the door where the white haired had ran through.

Tsukishima frown deepened and he looked slightly worried. Tsukishima expressing anything other than disgust and discomfort? What a weird day Kuroo was having.

“Yeah,” Tetsurou watched as his mouth thinned into a line, frown still in place as his eyes darted to the right before locking into Kuroo’s still perplexed expression. “What did you do?”

Kuroo laughed. Loud and booming, arms braced around his stomach as his body shook with his laughter. Because OF FUCKING COURSE Kuroo's is the one who did something wrong as always. It couldn't be the other way, he could not be the one wronged because he was the wrong one. EVERY TIME. He never did anything right. 

Tsukishima stayed behind the cashier eyeing Kuroo warrigly, his fingers picking at each other and his eyes ever so often moving towards the door, worried a client would come thru, or - god forbid - his boss, and see the mad-man laughing inside his establishment.

At long last, after what seemed a eternity Tetsurou lifted his head, wiping the tears that were gathered in the corners of his eyes, a small sigh leaving his lips but the condescending smile staying in place. A hollow cut on Kuroo’s face. That’s what it looked like, it held nothing behind it. No malice, no sarcasm, no irony. Which naturally worried Tsukishima even more.

"I did nothing, I’m one of the nicest assholes you could ever hope to meet, Tsukki" he winked, walking through the aisles, grabbing his favorite instant noodle, what he had originally came here for, but also picking some alcohol in gel (that he hadn't planned on buying), dumping it all in the cashier carelessly. "or maybe I did, I don't know. Can I have a pack of cigarettes too."

Tsukishima was still eyeing Kuroo suspiciously and ok, _ who the fuck _ is this Bokuto kid that made it so hard for Tsukishima to believe that he had JUST IGNORED Kuroo? It isn't even the first time it happened. Hell, Kei himself ignored Kuroo numerous times.

"Why?" 

"Hun?" Tsukishima asked dumbly, reaching for the cigarettes. Kuroo grinned.

"Why you're worried that I did something?" he said taking his wallet out. "You're good friends with him?"

"No? We're just acquaintances." Kei screwed up his face, scanning the items. His nervous hands opening a plastic bag to place them. Kuroo lifted a disbelieving brow because this was, - and yes Kuroo was counting and would continue to do so, - the _ second _ time TSUKISHIMA KEI looks uneasy and the slightest bit bothered by something. And that boy was involved in both situations. And, well, he didn’t want to think about his most recent rejection, especially when a distraction had JUST presented itself in front of him.

Seeing the other's incredulous expression Tsukishima fucking started to STUTTER. _ You've got to be shitting me _. Kuroo wanted to laugh so bad, oh god he wanted. 

"I- I mean, he just never acts like that. He was ignoring you, you know."

"Yeah I fucking got it, dude's an asshole - give me a box of matches too, would ya love bug." 

Again, an item that the blonde would usually raise a eyebrow at, because yes even him knew Kuroo’s reputation with fire and _ did Kozume allow that? _ but he mindless grabbed a pack behind the counter and just scanned it with the rest of the itens. What's more he didn't even comment on the pet name. Instead he was glaring down at Kuroo, his face twisted. Kuroo obviously had to smirk, was Tsukki about to defend someone? 

"No, he's not an asshole -” He stopped, noticing the raven’s smirk widening, “I'm serious, how was the party?"

How was the party? He wanted to say that if you had attended, shitface, you would know. Kuroo had invited him, he was the ONLY PERSON that Tetsu had ACTUALLY invited to the party into his own home and HE HADN’T SHOWED UP.

He have had time to be depressed over it, - as well as being upset that it had been A WHOLE GODDAMN DAY since he followed Koutarou and he hadn’t returned the follow, - but instead decided to go down to the junk yard with his friends and light some things on fire, like a whole car, and smoke.

It was a peaceful moment: Setting the world on fire and watching from the centre. 

As always everything was fun until the police showed up and his friends had to pile into their cars. Kuroo hadn’t come in one so he basically had to climb a pile of rusty trash, cutting his hand in the process but WHO fucking cares about tetanus, okay? he felt like James Bond or Captain America climbing that thing then jumping straight to the other side of the fence.

When the stupid cops rechead the yard, (like seriously how they want to arrest someone if anyone in a two kilometer radius can hear AND SEE they coming), Kuroo Tetsurou was a good one hundred meters away from the fire, lungs burning, hands scratched, and a smile on his face. He didn’t thought about the white haired who still didn’t follow him, about Kei showing up or about his roommate he hadn't seen since thursday. He just fell into his bed and went to sleep as soon as he got home, one and a half hours later, after running most of the way back. 

And the next morning he didn’t thought about them too, because he had classes at eight and he was smelling and looking like someone who lived under a viaduct OR SOMETHING, his legs were threatening to give out every time he took a step and he felt like he had a wild animal living inside his stomach, scratching trying to fuck his way out of Tetsurou because he was so hungry, STARVING.

He LEGIT ALMOST CRIED that day. He thinks he might have shed a tear when he opened the fridge and saw nothing but water and a dried carrot staring back at him. He wanted to fucking strangle Kenma because dammit it was his time of doing the groceries, in fact maybe the last five times had been his turn but Kuroo had done it for him but that little piece of shit couldn’t contribute with ANYTHING ever, not even with his PRESENCE. 

Later, when he was home from his classes, full to the brim of food from the dinner down the street, seated on his sofa staring at his disgusting apartment, the trash on the floor, the stains on the walls, Kenma’s closed door, he realized that it was his fault: He shouldn't have expected Tsukishima to come. He never did. He shouldn’t have expected Kenma to get out of the house when he hasn’t done so in months. He shouldn’t have expected Bokuto to follow him and want to be his friend when they talked ONCE. He shouldn’t have thought his friends were really going to help him clean the house after the party. They never did. 

The best way to avoid disappointment IT’S TO NOT EXPECT A FUCKING THING FROM ANYONE.

“It was fine, I talked with your friend the whole night.” He wasn’t going to ask Tsukishima why he hadn’t come because he didn’t want to give the blonde the hustle to have to come up with a excuse. It made him uncomfortable, and he was already SO annoyed. If someone didn’t want to be with Tetsurou he sure AS HELL wouldn’t try to convince them. 

Tsukishima made a face, and Kuroo got where that was coming from, he means, he probably had never seen Kuroo spare more than fifteen minutes to a conversation, but in Tetsurou’s defense they had been HIGH OUT OF THEIR ASSES, or at least Kuroo had (because go big or go home) every fucking time they had been in the same room for more than a couple minutes, and you guess it, it’s kinda hard to talk when you can barely focus on walking and your eyes just WON’T LEAVE that dirty spot in the wall. 

But Kuroo didn’t want to talk about how Bokuto had stayed with his eyes on him THE WHOLE NIGHT, not paying attention to anything but what came out of Tetsurou’s mouth, and how everytime Kuroo said something interesting the white haired would act as if it was the most surprising thing in the world, all the squeaking and aweing sounds he made, his eyes shining big. Even less about the bright smiles and the happy laughter that left his lips. How Tetsurou swore he could SEE how yellow and gold and iridescent it was.

He also didn’t want to tell that Kuroo himself had been captivated by those bambi eyes, and the weird owl facts the boy would blurt from time to time, and how he didn’t get bored when they - FOR GOD’S SAKE - started talking about BOOKS. Kuroo didn’t even remember the last time he read a book that wasn’t for class (his guess would be NEVER), but oh if he hadn’t stayed rooted to his spot listening like a good boy to every story and quote Bokuto uttered. 

“He told me his course is literature,” He informed with a devilish smirk in place, but apparently Tsukishima was already expecting this because he didn’t even look guilty. Kuroo kept his grin in place, even if inside he was deflating. 

And Tsukishima just standed there unfazed, apparently having recomposed all of his detachment and bored uninterest handing Kuroo his bag and change.

"I lied. We have friends in common."

Okay, Kuroo didn't know much about Kei but he knew that was a lie too. Maybe not a complete lie, but the real reason they knew each other continued hidden. Still a lie. 

And Kuroo, you know he may be a guy who likes to annoy and get a rise out of people but he wasn't in the mood right now. And Tsukishima could be like the fucking Fort Knox with his business sometimes and Tetsu currently lacked motivation to break into it. Assuming he might be able to do that one day. 

So he said his goodbyes, albeit a little sourly and turned to the door where he stopped. 

"Has Kenma been coming here?" He said, turning his head back to the cashier. 

"Not on my shift." 

And after a nod of acknowledgement he left. 

* * *

You know that trick where you pile alcohol in gel in your hand and then set it on fire? How it looks like you're holding blue flames in your hand? Kuroo remembers the first time he discovered that he could HOLD FIRE. The horrified look on his mom's face when she called for her eleven year old son and he turned around with his hands in flames, completely involved by it. How she screamed and his dad appeared by her side, his eyes enormous and how he had gaped. He could remember his mom's desperate calls for water while Tetsurou just smiled so brightly brown eyes reflecting blue light. Nothing else on his mind but the fire and how everything was silent. 

It didn't last. After the initial shock his parents were yelling at him again what to do, throwing a bowl full of water at him, telling kid Tetsurou how HE WAS A PEST who never gave them ANY PEACE and how fucked up he was AND OH GOD WHERE DID THEY GO WRONG WITH HIM! and then brushed it off as a kid's curiosity to the house staff. But Tetsu had already caught on it. How the fire made even his shitty parents look at him _ really _ look at him and stop screaming and terrorizing him, and how it had made everything just stop being about them and it was all Tetsu Tetsu Tetsu. 

Well, it turns out that even if some old tricks don't work on old people it does work on new people. And this new people being his neighbors, who came home to find their problematic neighbour, who they had seen countless of times do STUPID SHIT in the parking lot and made everyone hate their lives and minimum wage jobs, because this shit hole was the only place they could afford and by that they would HAVE to endure Kuroo, who no matter how many times they complained about never seemed to get kicked out. Jokes on them. 

Anyway they came home from whatever soul consuming retail job they had to find him THE GUY WHO MADE A BONFIRE WITH HIS OWN CLOTHES sitting in the hallway, with both fists on fire, because somehow he had managed to lock himself outside and Kenma, or was wearing headphones or had finally come out of the house because Kuroo had screamed like A BANSHEE and was still locked outside, really considering just bringing the door down. 

And, maybe he got into a fight with the guy from 6B, the apartment where there's always someone yelling, who got the five year old, that looked afraid every time his parents glanced at him, being pushed and dragged this way and the other, and the annoying wife who's ALWAYS LOOKING AT KUROO THE WAY HIS PARENTS DOES. Tetsu pities the kid so much, he knows how things will go down for him.

And NO he didn't give a fuck if the carpet caught on fire or something that would be his parents problems, not his to deal with. He yelled all this in the man's face as well and when the man started shouting how irresponsible Tetsurou was and how he was a nuisance to the whole building, he saw _ them _. He didn't hold back when he screamed how UTTERLY USELESS HE WAS BECAUSE HIS WIFE AND SON HAD TO LIVE IN THIS CRAP PLACE WITH A CRAZY GUY DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

And when the punches started well, it was just the man's luck that Tetsu had a LOT of pent up anger and upset and distaste and annoyance and frustration, and he would NOT let this man yell at him or look at him the way his old folks do _ shut up shut up shut up. _

He heard somewhere that the best way to release anger was to direct it back at the cause of it. He thinks he may have heard it from Bokuto's pink lips.

And this was THE BEST kind of anger. It was that dry, unstoppable, unmovable anger. Who just ESCALATED AND ESCALATED. Your face dark and sharp, and you only see red, black and whatever made the beast come out, the one that says _ rip tear BURN. _ The type that shows that you're just DONE. AND KUROO WAS SO _ SO _ DONE. 

And when the police showed up, and forced Tetsurou away from the man, he looked down at the red bloodied face and the black hematons already appearing, saw the wife running to her husband's aid. Saw his other neighbours whispers, terrified eyes and crazed expressions, and he supposed he should feel bad. He didn't thought it was possible to look at someone like that and feel NOTHING. But it was. He felt nothing. All that blood wasn’t terrifying or scary. It was just red. 

He looked up from the mess and saw the kid. He wasn't looking at his father he was looking at Kuroo. And Tetsu knew what the child was thinking: He is not invincible. The boy was seeing for the first time his parents vulnerability. How they were when they weren't ruling over a five year old. 

And he thought, he hoped the kid didn't turn out like him. He hoped that the boy's rage wasn't like his: explosive, violent, aggressive. 

He hoped he had a regular rage. Tetsurou himself wanted to have regular rage, that came out in appropriate times and at appropriate levels, not this, - WHATEVER THIS WAS that consumed him. 

But he supposed he would never be regular and appropriate. 

The younger could guess how his face looked and five minutes later he could feel a broken nose, a split lip, a black eye and another count for his criminal record with a visit to his corrections agent. 

At least one good thing had come out of all of this: Kenma really had left the apartment. 

He better be doing the fucking groceries. 

* * *

No charges would be pressed. The thirty something year old couldn’t have his criminal record tainted with a aggression or disorderly conduct apparently, because he had SUCH A BRIGHT FUTURE AHEAD and couldn’t risk losing a job because of it, Tetsu scoffed, so he made a deal with Kuroo’s lawyer. 

Unfortunately the other occupants of the building didn’t want to spare Kuroo the same mercy. Not that he gave a fuck, he already had some stuff on his record anyway and another charge for arson or reckless endangerment would be nothing new.

As if Tetsu would just set the whole building on fire with people inside. He wasn’t a PSYCHOPATH for crying out loud, he just wanted to set some fires. He has been doing this for years and nobody died okay. 

But what he didn’t saw coming was the punishment. Listen, Tetsu’s parents are rich, alright. They're ever only good to take him away from this situations, but it seems this was the straw on the camel's back, and their judge friend, would actually have to do a little work and get Kuroo a penalty. 

And you know Tetsu got a test next week, and some assignments that he REALLY FUCKING DON’T WANT TO DO, and being in jail seemed like a decent excuse to not showing up for class. He means, it would be like vacation. He would finally eat some warm food, fucking finally. Maybe even some vegetables. The cell would probably smell better than his apartment too.

But his parents, had to - they just HAD to show up, and say they couldn’t have a son locked up. _ He will do anything you say, community work, bail money, but not locked up, sir. _

And Tetsu asked himself and the beast inside where is the fury and bravery and hatred he had felt in the hallway when he fucked that man’s face up, that now WHEN IT MATTERED, he was once again just fucking sitting like his parents pet, in a plastic chair waiting while THEY discussed HIS punishment, picking at the bandages on his knuckles. Like a stupid child throwing a tantrum. 

He was feeling things: loathing, resentment, indignation, annoyance. Nothing useful. All harmless.

It was like his parents had trained him. Anger is _ bad bad _ Tetsurou and not allowed in this house. Not FOR YOU. Not directed to us. Because they saw it, they didn’t want to end up like the man in the hallway.

They didn’t want the red to be theirs.

* * *

To say that Kuroo had a rough week was an understatement. But he didn't had to be bailed out of jail (JUST TALKED), and his body count was still zero, so he guessed it wasn't _ that _ bad. 

He ended up having to go to group therapy sessions. As if he is some kind of crazy, dangerous, or frantic mess. That’s the problem with the world: YOU FUCK UP ONCE AND THEN _ YOU’RE _FUCKED UP. 

He doesn’t regret what he did, in fact he may be a little happy about it. His parents moved him from the dumpster he was before, because Tetsu seriously thought if they didn’t his neighbours would just march to his door and kill him themselves, and he WOULDN’T PUT IT BEHIND THEM BECAUSE: RETAIL JOBS. They probably dream about killing a person three times a week. They should go to group therapy.

Another thing: his friends didn’t know were he lived anymore. Which was about the biggest blessing he could have. They asked sure: _ we could have a party at your new place, to celebrate _ . Or, _ when are we breaking up your house. _ And _ is it bigger? How many people if fits. _

Nobody asked about his bruised face, they just laughed. And Kuroo kinda of laughed too, because he wanted to punch EVERY SINGLE one of them. 

So here he is, thursday evening, being accompanied by a lady through the BORING, beige walls on the maze (hospital). He was thinking if it was meant to be like that so the crazy people wouldn’t know how to escape because HE sure as hell didn’t remember half the way, when she pushed open the double door and TA-DA he was presented with his playmates. 

When the seven faces turned his way, and he realized he recognized three of them he threw his head back laughing.

He’d got some weird people around him, it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah i probably won't come back next week, because i need time to sort out the characters and i really don't want to pass a wrong image of any of this mental illness so i have to research.


	5. The damsels are depressed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _"A flutter on his stomach, a dumb smile on his face and a breath caught in his throat. And again the need to NOT LOOK AWAY because Bokuto demanded attention. Now he only had to glue the pieces and realize something. Too bad he didn’t had time to solve puzzles."_

_“So it’s sorta social,_  
_demented and sad, _  
_but social. Right?”_

* * *

If Kuroo was a person who got uncomfortable he thinks he would be really fucking uncomfortable right now. 

But he isn't and as it is he just finds it amusing.

As soon as he seated down, in the middle of a boy with greenish hair, and shaky hands and Kenma -of course -who seems smaller than ever, so tight that Tetsu thinks he might snap back or break into a million pieces if someone touches him. His eyes are looking at his lap, yellow dyed hair falling down covering his face, his spine uncomfortably hunched over like he's trying to fold into himself.

Now that's someone he WOULD EXPECT in a group therapy.

His roommate looks like someone that came straight from a madhouse, with plans to end the world and spend the rest of his days hitting his head in a wall.

_ That was mean Tetsurou _, he chides himself. But he's smiling. BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. Kenma looks pathetic and miserable. 

He of course doesn't ask himself just WHERE THE FUCK HE WAS when his childhood friend was becoming _ this _. No it would be too much for his conscious. 

But he still feels something in the back of his mind, _ guilt _. He is about to avert his attention to something else when the man that's supposed to be their psychologist - Kuroo is sure he just graduated college -starts introducing himself.

"Hi my name is Koushi, for those who are new here." He smiled kindly looking at the boy at Kuroo's side, who averted his eyes immediately. Tensing almost as bad Kenma. Wow the energy emanating from those two was amazing and SO COMFORTING, he mused. 

"These are intimate group sessions. I would like to start with introductions. Your name and age."

Then Koushi’s gaze was directed to the man sitting by his side, who was also emanating just THE BEST VIBES. He seemed annoyed, angry. Never had Kuroo seen so many folds on someone's face from frowning. Why everyone here seemed FIVE SECONDS away from lashing out or passing out? 

"Akaashi Keiji, eighteen." 

Then it was time for the person who hold most of Kuroo's curiosity. He means, it's OBVIOUS why Kenma was here, with his i'm-trying-to-be-invisible act and all. The dirty boy by his side was just as easy to guess, you thought he wouldn't but Kuroo DID NOTICE the blood coming from his bitten down nails. And Kuroo didn't need to be best friends with Tsukki to know that his hollow cheeks, blue lips and green under eyes weren't EXACTLY NORMAL. Something about all that apathy and constant annoyance helped.

And the other dude, well he just seemed TOO FUCKING HAPPY to be here.

"Bokuto Koutarou, nineteen." His eyes were wild, like he was READY TO BOLT, like the first time he saw Kuroo. Only this time Tetsurou could see their color. Even scared they reflected the luminescent light that hang in the middle of the circle, making them shine like a sunbeam at 7pm, and Kuroo found it so damn hard to look away, the people around him looked like a blur, all blurry because those beautiful yellow orbs held all his attention. Just like it had done in the party. Just like Kuroo knew it would if he had been able to see them in the street that fateful night. 

And Kuroo would be stupid if in the back of his mind he didn’t noticed that Bokuto was looking back at him too, with a lot more uncomfortable squirming, sure, and maybe a bit shaky but they were both holding each other stares. 

Koutarou was the first to look away, bowing his head, fingers playing with something glistening at his wrists.

Tsukishima's introduction was as dry as his lips and the greeting he threw Tetsu's way every time they crossed paths. 

"Oikawa Tooru, nineteen!" The dude smile was so plastic Tetsu ALMOST GAGGED, he looked like Barbie's trophy boyfriend, like someone from this perfect families in desperate housewives who has a body hidden in the basement. 

The guy was FUCKING WEIRD. At last, a person to watch out for. 

"Why don't we start with getting more comfortable with one another? I want you to divide into pairs and talk for a couple minutes."

Kuroo couldn't get fast enough to the other side of the circle, scraping his chair to the floor, making the scared cat Kenma and Yama-something flinch and the beacon of annoyance by Bokuto's side cringe.

The guy himself was already halfway turned in his chair, gold coin eyes as big as they can be around those gorgeous white lashes, SERIOUSLY COULD THIS GUY BE ANYMORE ATTRACTIVE? His fists raising to his chest to protect himself from the inevitable collide of the two and Tetsu wouldn’t blame him, if he hadn’t catched himself a second earlier he would for sure have toppled over the man. 

His chair was hastily placed in front of him and Kuroo’s body unceremoniously dropped into it, it’s leg scraping the floor again, making Bokuto cringe and his nose wrinkle in distaste.

“So we meet again.” He says leaning forward, not quite in Koutarou’s space, but CLOSE. 

“So we do.” He murmurs, slowly dropping his hands to his lap, fiddling with what now Tetsurou could see was a silver braided bracelet. The silver so bright it almost had its own glow. His eyes were not really meeting Kuroo’s like the time their introduced, instead looking over to the one at his side who still hadn’t moved an inch from his place. “Aren’t you going to talk with anyone Akaashi?”

Kuroo turned to only realize HE was being analyzed first. His jaw immediately locked because damn, THIS GUY LOOKED MORE LIKE HIS FATHER THAN KUROO DID (maybe not physically, he concedes, but the same perpetual disgusted and annoyed scowl is ached on his face). He wondered if the beast will come out at some point the way it did with the guy in the corridor, he could already feel it rumbling. 

“No.” He shrugged, turning back to stare at the room. Tsukishima and Oikawa were already paired together, the later laughing at apparently NOTHING because Tsukki is not funny, he must have ready some of this ‘How to make a thousand friends’ or something books that teach you to just keep a dumb smile on your face all the time. Kei himself looked to be in physical pain. A snort was about to leave his lips before he saw Kenma, still hunched over, still looking at his fucking lap or shoes - Kuroo wasn’t sure WHICH WAS LEAST ENTERTAINING (he voted for the shoes). 

“Why don’t you go sit with Kenma?” He sighed, looking back at Akaashi. “He is the one with blond hair.”

Akaashi looked back at Kenma, and with half a second his expression turned sour and Kuroo’s face blanked, the beast getting a little bit more lively, and OKAY he knows he hasn’t been there for Kenma a lot but he could STILL get offended in his behalf, and this guys was clearly esnobing his friend just for looks. 

Yeah, Kenma’s clothes looked like they had been sitting inside of a bottle for weeks with how wrinkly they were, and yeah his hair was greasy Kuroo could see from a distance, but he wasn’t asking the guy to fuck Kenma or something, GOD FORBID he never wants to see that. They just have to pretend to talk like Tsukishima was doing.

"Only if your majesty feels up to it, of course." He smiled sweetly, fake and gross, just like the syrup ones the human-Ken-guy had given all of them. 

Akaashi frowned, his hands balling into fists and Kuroo gotta tell you, he didn't have much faith in the guy actually indulging him and getting into a fight, and he thought he wouldn't be very fun to exchange punches with, not with his THIN AS A STICK fingers who would probably break at the first contact with Kuroo's shell.

"Yamaguchi is alone too Akaashi." Bokuto cleared his throat, looking between the two nervously. His fingers were now frantically pushing at the finestring in his wrist and his smile Kuroo noticed - because yeah HE NOTICED SMALL DETAILS AND KNEW WHEN PEOPLE WERE TOO UNCOMFORTABLE, he have friends, doesn't he? You gotta learn those things if you want social interaction - was more strained than the bracelet, trembling at the corners.

Akaashi must had seen it too, because he wordlessly stood and took his chair to the other side of the (now) broken circle, where the green haired jumped a feet off the floor, squeaking scared when the glowering man sat the chair across from him. Kuroo tried not to get petty pissed that he apparently have no problem with all the freckles littering Yama's EVERYTHING (arms, face, hands) every piece of skin visible looked like it had been sprinkled with a little mud.

"What his problem?" he swirled his head around looking at Bokuto, who too was watching the two opposite them. He had a sort of bad feeling. 

Bokuto frowned looking at Kuroo's shoulder. "He's just annoyed. He's not usually like this"

"No, I mean what's his PROBLEM." He raises his eyebrows, forehead wrinkling. "He doesn't seem to be here at freewill. Was he court ordered too?"

"What? No! Were you court ordered?" Bokuto confused expression was so cute, the guy for some reason POUTED, like a kid learning a new fact. So adorable.

"Yeah." When Koutarou's eyes started to double in size filling with pure horror he felt compelled to explain. He didn’t want him to think what everyone else would think. He wasn’t a murderer and anything he did he had it under control. He’d told the judge this a MILLION TIMES too but it didn’t work on him. Maybe with Koutarou it will. "Apparently I have BEHAVIOURAL ISSUES and 'AM TOO DEFIANT'," he made air quotes, his tone slow and clear as if talking to a child. After Koutarou nodded he shrugged. "what you're for?"

"My dad think is good for me, you know, to talk. Akaashi’s parents too. That’s why he’s pissy, he doesn’t want to be here."

Kuroo scoffed, "Does anyone looks like they want to be here?" 

Bokuto's lips twitch upward. "Maybe Oikawa."

"Maybe?" Kuroo smiled good natured and Bokuto visible relaxed, the tension seeming to leave him in a big WHOOOF!

"Maybe." He smiled sweetly and it had NOTHING to compare with Oik - Ken's fake ones. He felt the tight annoying feeling in his stomach subside. Fuck, he hadn't noticed that he WAS a little nervous with how all this would go down. 

None of them spoke for some time, both seeming to be thinking the same thing, how relieved they were that things were progressing well and then BAM it hitted Kuroo WHY things may have turned weird.

If there's something Kuroo HATES with all his might is beating around the bushes or dancing in circles or WHATEVER THE FUCK the saying was. It only prolonged the inevitable the results were the same but you just looked more like a idiot, and yes, he HAD the option of not getting into the subject and just letting this peaceful moment float between them BUT HE COULDN'T. 

Not knowing was something Kuroo despised. Not being sure was something he HATED. Because when you’re not sure you still hope, and you can still have expectations, you can still get yourself down, and when it happens, it’s just TEN TIMES worse because YOU DID THAT TO YOURSELF. You could have avoided all that if you had just fucking grown the balls and ASKED. It was some Icarus and the Sun shit, he supposes, you get yourself too motherfucking close to the sun, you trust it and then it fucks you up and the last thing you know you’re hitting the ground. Or the ocean. He doesn’t know where exactly Icarus fell - who cares.

"Did you ignore me? The other day on the convenience store?" He inclined forward, placing his elbows on his knees, looking up at Bokuto's surprised eyes and face just like the one of a person who had been caught stealing from the cookie jar. Ouch.

"Wha-what convenience store?" He stuttered out, frowning, but his eyes stayed big and fretted, Kuroo just HAD to bring out his deadpan face because REALLY, "I wasn't ignoring you I just didn't saw you. Probably. I wouldn't know since, you know, I didn't saw you." 

"Really? You didn't saw me? _ Me _ ?" The smile he was sporting wasn't a fake one, it was cute, Bokuto was just too cute for his own good even when he was trying to fuck around with Tetsurou, even if it was being a complete disaster what with his enormous eyes moving around the room so much that he didn't even think they were seeing anything, _ Fuck this dude is a terrible liar. _

Bokuto seemed to realize it at the same time, because all the stiffness in him washed out at once with his sagging shoulders, giving space to a hunched back and embarrassed face. 

He looked defeated and afraid and sad and Kuroo feared,_ fuck no, he’s not about to walk all over me is he? _

"You are…" He trailed, wiggling his fingers on his thighs, locking eyes with Kuroo but not quite looking at HIM, they seemed to have just stopped there and Koutarou didn’t really care where he was looking at. That’s how you end up disassociating and coming back realizing you’re staring at someone’s ass. He could relate.

"Incredibly handsome? A genius? Sex on legs?" He leaned even more forward, impatient, a too eager - too artificial smirk in place. Koutarou seemed to have came back from whatever deep thought concentration he was on (Flying through the space with silver wings, maybe) looking at the raven now, _ really _ looking at him with HUGE EYES that were so shiny, and he almost started to disassociate too because this eyes reminded him just a little bit too much of the flames from the matches Kuroo would light up in his room in the middle of the night when he had six different assignments to do, an early class, and an itchy feeling of _ wanting _ that he was SO TIRED OF, mixed with a restlessness that just WOULDN'T LEAVE HIM except when there was the light of the small flame, when the almost unbearable prickling would stop and the thoughts would halt and he wouldn't think about the fact he hadn't heard of his friends for days, or how his parents got another complain about him. It was just calm. He felt like he could look at the amber flame forever, his eyes never getting tired of it. That's what he felt looking at _ those _ eyes.

"Dangerous!" 

What. Kuroo blinked confused coming back from the deep revelation he just had. Was he supposed to be offended by that?

"Ooh I like that, that does sound sexy.” His mouth twisted into his well-known smirk. “Mysterious and dangerous. Seems right." 

"No! I mean literally dangerous!” Bokuto was getting more flustered than he should with this conversation, he mused. All big gestures and pink cheeks and furrowed eyebrows. He looked like what a mom should look like if her son asked where babies come from. He was really pretty, maybe Kuroo had a shot. _ Maybe _. “Your twitter!" He squeaked.

"What about my twitter?"

"I didn't like it! Too dangerous, everything just seems like a work security disaster! I was afraid I was going to die if I started hanging out with you and Akaashi -" He abruptly cutted himself out and Tetsu felt the amusement leave him, his stomach tightening again and he gave his all to not look back and GLARE in distaste.

So that’s what it was.

Well time to go back to where he belonged. He would get a good laugh out of this in a day or two, he told himself, probably nothing would come out of this too anyway, besides a hook up MAYBE, EMPHASIS ON IF HE WAS VERY LUCKY. Also he doesn’t mean ill but look where they are! In a fuking therapy group that Kuroo doesn't belong at because he isn't CRAZY, with bad shit weird people around, and listen: Bokuto is just TOO PERFECT, he smells nice (sweet, like vanilla but less boring), his hair SHINES, his skin GLOWS. Now that he thinks of it he can A HUNDRED PERCENT image Koutarou in front of a mirror narrating his _beautification routine_, like in _American Psycho_. For all he knows Bokuto could be a sociopath or something, killing good looking guys that hit on him at parties. Who knows what people are up to these days. Crazy times, right?

"Oh? Your boyfriend didn't want you with me? Am I a threat to him? I gotta admit i'm flattered his looks are not that bad -" Kuroo would continue with his rant of secretly self deprecation and artificial confidence, mouth twisted wide like a shark’s, if not for Koutarou calmly raising his hands in a soothing way, a small smile on his lip and for some unimportant reason now, he noticed this was the first time since the party that the other looked CALM in his presence. 

"He's not my boyfriend. He's my roommate. And best friend. He just said you had a reputation, that you're rowdy and, I mean - I'm not like that. I'm not comfortable with things like that."

"Dangerous things? Possibly-will-melt-your-fingers-off things?"

"Yeah, and other stuff." The _ stuff _seemed more than will-explode-your-fingers-off things, and he got the feeling that he wouldn’t be knowing what that stuff was sometime soon. That was fine he didn’t need everything right away.

And, shit, he NOW UNDERSTOOD why Bokuto was so calm when clearing things about him and Akaashi being together. He didn’t want misunderstandings. Because he knew that coming to assumptions was a fucking bitch and he didn’t want Kuroo to do that, but guess what? It came to bite him back in the ass, because HE WAS THE ONE assuming things about Tetsu. He had the guts to ignore Tetsurou all this days because he thought HE WALKED AROUND WITH BATTERY ACID ON HIS POCKET OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?

He leaned back in his chair, a resting bitch face on. He loved that one, he got to perfect it observing Tsukishima. "Well if you'd cared to ask or stayed long enough to see you would learn that I'm not always like that. I'm not doing dangerous things twenty-four seven. I'm actually pretty chill at home." Bokuto’s face twitched, ready to scrunch up in disgust. "I _ know. _ Not the most sanitary place you've seen, but - call it fate or something” He waved his hands nonchalantly. “I just moved to a new place, because of my _ behavioural issues _ and it is spotless. Ask Kenma. Or maybe not, I don't know if he noticed."

"You and Kenma live together? I didn't saw him at the party." He looked surprised and yes, now that Kuroo had seen how Kenma is in public he would have a hard time seeing the two of them together too. What he means is: he would have a hard time picturing HIMSELF with Kenma. 

"That's because he was absent. As he is to all of my parties. But he won't have to worry anymore, won't be having one of those for a while."

There was a silence while both of them stared at the blond 'talking' to their therapist since nobody asked him to join them in their conversation. Really, from what Kuroo had seen they weren't TALKING talking. Koushi was talking and Kenma was nodding his head. It was sad. It reminded Kuroo of when they were in school and the P.E teacher would ask to make pairs and no one would pair with Kenma, who couldn’t -and still can’t -throw a ball ten feet away, and he would have to be paired up with the teacher. "Is he okay?"

WAS HIS FRIEND OKAY? Right now? No. Kuroo knew why? No. Just that the everytime he lifted his head to nod his eyes would travel all the way to Tetsu and his shoulder would tense a little bit more and his head would get a little bit lower. And then it clicked, fucking antisocial weirdo. So that’s what it was. He huffed swirling around facing Bokuto.

"Honestly the worst thing you can do is stare."

"Oh." And get this, he immediately teared his gaze away. Like he seriously didn’t thought it was fucked up for a person to freak out about being stared at. KUROO thought it was. But maybe Bokuto knew something he didn’t, he HAD been coming to this sessions before, if he knew Tsukishima. Maybe he was one those ‘people with good hearts’. He looked like one. Fuck that he looked like a ANGEL. Never mind that two minutes ago he was comparing him to a literal serial killer. "Why?"

"I don't fucking know, I guess he just doesn't like to be paid attention to or some shit -"

"No dummy, why you won't be having anymore parties?" There was no doubt, Bokuto was a nice person. Sad for him, he would get so far with a bad personality and that face.

"Oh why, you want to experience the great nirvana that is a party at Kuroo Tetsurou's abode?" The white haired lifted an eyebrow with a teasing smile in place. As if daring Tetsurou to keep up the facade. He wouldn’t. "I'm not in a party mood at the moment. And I don't feel like ruining my apartment so early."

"Yeah it was pretty fucked up, your walls were awful. I couldn't even figure out with what they were stained."

"You wouldn't want to know."

"Gross!" He threw his head back in a simple laugh and Tetsurou saw himself taken aback by how LOUD it was, maybe even louder than his although a lot less wild. 

The group around him seemed to have stopped the pretend-talks to look at Bokuto too, Koushi and Oi-whatever included, and when he stopped laughing Kuroo assumed that he would recoil with the attention, maybe be embarrassed but he didn't. He just smiled at Kuroo, light and carefree not even bothering to acknowledge the looks throw his way even though Kuroo was SURE he knew he was being stared at and at the moment Tetsurou felt himself feel _ something _. He didn’t knew WHAT just that it WAS SOMETHING. A flutter on his stomach, a dumb smile on his face and a breath caught in his throat. And again the need to NOT LOOK AWAY because Bokuto demanded attention. Now he only had to glue the pieces and realize something. Too bad he didn’t had time to solve puzzles. 

* * *

“Use a color to describe yourself right now. Tsukishima.”

The blonde straightened looking ahead, beyond the circle and into the wall, and not for the first time tonight Kuroo found himself being surprised at how seriously Kei took this group therapy thing.

They hadn’t done much. He honestly thought this included more - HE DOESN’T KNOW - like, tears or weird revelations or epiphanies and philosophical stuff, but it had been PRETTY FUCKING NORMAL so far. 

The psychologist would ask them things, some of them would actually think of a answer, like Bokuto, Oikawa and Tsukishima, and others like Akaashi and Kuroo would just sigh and said whatever came first in mind just to get this thing GOING BECAUSE IT WAS SO SLOW, and he just got bad vibes from this place and this situation it seemed like from a cult movie like _ The fight club _ or some shit with a sad color palette and a fucked up main character that supposedly would be Kuroo but y’know, Kuroo IS NOT FUCKED UP.

Kenma and the mud-boy would mostly stay quiet or answer very quickly. The green haired sometimes would think a lot for his answer, chewing on raw fingers and talk with a shaky voice, sometimes choke on air - which got Kuroo snorting before Bokuto shushed him with a hard glare. 

Kei signed. “I guess, yellow. Really bright yellow. Bumblebee.” 

Well that was unexpected, but before Tetsurou could dwell more on Kei’s color choice Koushi was already asking another person in the group, and then another without giving him a chance to analyze the answer before.

“Akaashi.”

“Navy.”

“Yamaguchi.”

Again Yamaguchi took a long time to respond, eyes on the floor, fingers a mess on his lap.

“Um- Beige.”

“Bokuto.”

“Turquoise, with a bit of silver.”

“Oikawa.”

This time it took Oikawa longer to respond to his name being called. A LOT longer. Kuroo was starting to think that he hadn't listened when he opened his mouth, still smiling at the floor.

He muttered “Black.” 

“Kozume.”

“Gray.”

“Kuroo.”

The first color that came to his mind was red. It was his favorite color. The color of most his clothes, of his favorite juice, the color he saw when he was angry, the color that leaked from his face at the emergency room, the color of _ fire _. But then he realized it wasn’t really. When he thought about it realized that the fire glows orange, sometimes yellow, sometimes blue, sometimes even green if he wants and sometimes, like today -

“Amber.” It shined like someone’s eyes. 

* * *

Later, when he and Kenma were accompanying Kei back to the store to grab some food (_ “I thought I got rid of you, why you’re following me?” “Kenma and I need to take walks. Exercise. Breath air that isn't tainted with dirty socks scent. I feel inspired after this session, let’s go.” _), he saw a kid wearing a yellow - Bumblebee - raincoat and asked Tsukishima “Why yellow? I thought you would say something less happy, I guess. Like green.”

Tsukishima shrugged without lifting his eyes from the sidewalk.

“I don’t like yellow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so things will finally progress next chapter, hopefully. also it will be bokuto's pov.


	6. I like shiny things! But —

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“I like shiny things,” Koutarou blurted._
> 
> _Kuroo grinned lazily, a charming smile no doubt, practically daring the white haired to fall in love with it, almost as captivating as his eyes. _Dangerous,_ came back to the front of Kou’s mind at the mere sign of it. _
> 
> _“Me too.” He said, gazing at Bokuto’s honey-filled eyes._
> 
> _Oh no, — the spark had catch on fire._
> 
> _And _that _was the moment Koutarou realized he had picked a whole entire bouquet of oopsie-daisies._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya one month later, if you're wondering if there's something going on in my life let me just tell you the most recent thing that happened this month: me and my sister were escorted out of a hospital by eight cops in four different cars two days ago. also i was finishing a Reddie series that i started.

_ My darling sweetheart baby _ _  
_ _ I know. I know. _ _  
_ _ The past haunts you. _ _  
_ _ I know. _

  
  


* * *

  
  
  
  


Koutarou was going home with Oikawa! today.

Because Akaashi hadn’t come to group this week. Instead he was visiting his parents. Bo had the slightest idea why.

Anyway! he was leaving alone after the session and Kou was not looking forward to being alone for the rest of the night or walking back to his apartment. Not in this neighbourhood!

He had actually a good reason for that and wasn’t a “unfunded fear”, like his dad liked to call his paranoia! And it wasn’t paranoia okay he was just conscious. He had been robbed once! while going to school in the morning, had been poked at with a knife the size of a sword and his cellphone taken. And now, five years later he was aware that he could have his stomach stabbed because of a phone! 

And he was kinda of _ a lot _ worried that Kuroo might ask to accompany him home because he had been side-eyeing Bokuto the whole night, so when Oikawa asked if he would like to walk home together he almost dropped to his knees and raised his hands to the sky. God might actually have been listening to his prayers!, or maybe it was the pleeding looks he threw Tooru’s way. Who knows.

He and the brunette, in truth, had known each other way before starting group therapy together. They frequented the same parties sometimes since first year, and Bokuto liked him because he was reminded of himself everytime he saw Tooru throw his head back and laugh melodically at something that wasn’t funny or smiled at people who hadn’t been polite to him. Because he did that himself! Albeit Koutarou did like to think his smile was less forced but, again, who could know, it may be just wishful thinking. Maybe Oikawa liked him too and for the same reason.

They both wanted people to like them. They both wanted to please everyone. And they were both very good at it.

Maybe it was because they both loved being with people and talking to them. Koutarou didn’t knew if Tooru paid attention to some people’s traits, like how Tsukishima would nod silently everytime Yamaguchi answered one of Koushi’s questions, and how the freckled shoulders would slump a little bit more but you could see that it wasn’t defeat it was comfort, his muscles learning to be soft again, instead of being as rigid as if made of steal. Or how sometimes you could see Kenma’s disgruntled face at something Kuroo said, nose wrinkled and lips snarling, but also how once he lighted up when Bo heard Tetsurou ask if he wanted to go into that game store close to the hospital. 

It wasn’t a question, Bokuto knew Oikawa saw all those things. In truth Kou was almost sure the other knew everything all the time. Like the devil! Except that he couldn’t be it, for Koutarou had seen fear, and sadness and hopelessness too many times inside those doe eyes. There was a lightness in his eyes that didn't match the darkness it sometimes conveyed. He was more similar to the youth with old souls, that sometimes were quoted in books. People who had gone through more than they should at their age.

"You know he likes you," Oikawa said, swinging the plastic bag with his dinner between them. The sky was shades of purple tinted here and there by the orange of the street lights coming to life with the raise of the moon. It would be very pretty if Koutarou wasn’t so hyper aware of the shadows covering everything and everywhere!, — so much that he didn’t had time to pay attention to the way the lamps lighted up with the playful glint in the hazelnut’s eyes.

"Who?" 

Tooru throws him a skeptical look before turning back ahead, roaming the empty streets. The high plains of his face glowing pink and purple from the shop-lights along the sidewalk.

"I don't think he likes me," he sighed. "he just wants to fuck."

Tooru squeaked, scandalized beside him and Bokuto honestly didn't know why. He had seen what Oikawa was like at parties!, Jesus, he couldn't possibly be shocked at the word _ fuck. _Could he? Had Koutarou been too blunt? Perhaps he should have said make love (?).

"Didn't know you had a mouth like that, Kou." The brunette smirked amused. 

The later squaked indignantly. "I'm not a blushing virgin! I'm nineteen years old too! And we’re at college! I’ve done my stuff! You know it." 

"That I do, indeed. So—"

"What?"

"Kuroo."

"I'm not interested. He's nice and all, but he's just too much trouble." Koutarou said with finality.

Kuroo was _fine, _he would admit! If they met at a party — with a better first impression! — he may very possibly had hooked up with him — you know, because he was just like the tall, dark stranger he read in most books and that he hadn’t had a chance to taste yet, but now weeks after their first meeting it was just too weird. And too much anxiety inducing. 

They had been talking, at Kuroo's insistency!, during group, which was annoying because Tetsurou _ wasn't taking it seriously! _ Koushi would ask a question or start a mental exercise and he would fuck it up by saying something inappropriate, or making a joke — attempting to — would better describe it, right, and yes, while nobody there seemed to _ really _ think that therapy would work (Kou included) they at least made a attempt to pretend. But Kuroo didn't. He did what he did and if made anyone angry or Tsukishima frown at him he didn't care. 

It was something that Bokuto found himself with a little bit of envy over. Not caring. Who could do that? 

And while he did enjoy his company a little!, it wasn't the same thing as that night in the party. The Kuroo he was used to seeing now was crude, too sarcastic, too _ out there _and just plain stupid sometimes. Like the Kuroo who set wheels on fire and melted plastic chairs. 

The tall, dark stranger, with a wild mouth, who was always stoned. 

Bo found himself conflicted. Was _ this _the real Tetsurou or was the smart, funny (truly funny!) and amigable he talked about owls on a couch? 

And it was not like he was making a effort to find out too! He knew the raven was dying to have some alone time with Koutarou but the opportunity never arrived, not that Bo was actually trying to make one happen, too! It was all because his schedule wouldn't allow! He had stuff to do and if Kuroo didn't then, well, that's too bad.

Deep down he knew why. Because this was a unknown thing. It wasn't certain. It wasn't like a normal hook up, that he would see for one night and in the morning they were strangers again. Because he could imagine possibilities for him and Kuroo! And that was terrifying! for the reason that it didn't matter _ how many times _ in his head he would make a plot where even with all Tetsurou's flaws and Kou's flaws, things would go well, and they may have something more, it'll _ never _go as planned. Life didn't work like that, he learned it. 

And then was the great _ unknown. _ Which was how they would break up, because they _ would _eventually, they're only nineteen, just beginning their lives and relationships at this phase aren't really meaningful. 

But Bokuto was wanting _ something _ ! He was wanting the Kuroo from before. And that was bad _ bad _ . Because the Kuroo form before was nice and charming and while _ this _Kuroo was also all that he was irresponsible, obnoxious, unstable, tactless — and the list goes on.

And who is him to even assume Kuroo would want something serious with him, in the first place? And was Bokuto even prepared to a commitment like that? Hell,no. Even so he found himself scared of thinking over the possibilities. 

If you ask Koutarou what was his biggest fear he would say something like the dark, or balloons popping, or fire ants. And yeah, he was very scared of all of that stuff! But it wasn't his _ biggest _.

If you ask: _why are you so nice to everyone?_ _Why you're always helping people? You're such a do-gooder! _And he would say, that everyone deserves to be treated well and fair, and no one should be uncomfortable, and while all that was true! it wasn't his motive.

Kou was _ terrified! _ of rejection. He couldn't stand being mistreated. He couldn't — wouldn't bear being abandoned again.

In truth, Bokuto wasn’t sure if what he was now was he true self, or who his past traumas and selfishness obliged him to be. It’s disconcerting not knowing that if you haven’t gone through that one thing, or hadn’t be treated that certain way you maybe would be an asshole. Not a person with always a smile on his lips, a _ sure _ under his tongue and a _ so, how small does they want me to be? _ on the on the back of his brain every time he met someone.

That's why what Tooru was saying made his face tingle and his back stiffen. Because it was giving him hope, and he didn't want to hope just to be wrong. He didn't want to have something precious to him being dismissed! And especially not if it was his fault, because it would be! Why wouldn't Kuroo not like him besides the fact that he had planners full of the same schedule on every week, a lot of anxieties, talked too much about stuff no one else cared about, and was overall _ annoying _. 

And he had no doubt he would have all that said to his face. 

So yes, it was alright if Kuroo had a crush on him or whatever and Koutarou wouldn’t mind being friends with him anymore, like he would before, but he wouldn’t let it be more than that. No dating, no hooking up, nothing. And, most importantly: no getting too close! Because if you’re told one thing over and over again when you’re a child is: don’t get too close to the fire. And Kuroo was fire. In Bokuto’s mind, at least. Koutarou is his name and metaphors are his game. 

The first and basic thing you do when you don’t want to think of the pain of letting go or rejection is: you stay away from the thing you’re scared of being attached to. Even if it’s hard, even if it feels like you’re denying yourself something that will make you happy. 

But when it comes to this you only had two options, he knows!: or you endure the loneliness and half-happiness or the pain of letting go. Bokuto knew both, and also which of them was easier for him to stand. The question was a no-brainer. 

It wasn’t like he was afraid of letting people in, that was not it! It was just that he was afraid of letting the wrong people in. If you knew how much effort and time it took him to rebuild his life and comfort you would understand why he was so picky on who was allowed in there.

"You're such an idiot." Both he and Oikawa turned their heads to the alleway they were passing, feet stopping mid action, to see a severely unimpressed Tsukishima, looking disgusted at a familiar head of messy black hair, who was currently whining while holding a hand to his face.

Both could barely be seen, with the black contours the shadows casted on their faces and obscured their clothes. But when you only know two! people over six foot two, one of them a pole with arms and the other with a nest in their head and a dangerous curve to his spine you learn to distinguish them in a dark room.

Oikawa, the annoying brat in disguise that he was just threw Koutarou a smirk and walked straight into the dark! alley leaving the white haired to stumble after him. 

"Yahoo!" He sang, startling the two men and making Kuroo wince. _ Was that _ — "What are you two doing alone in a dark and empty alley—"

"Why is he bleeding?!" Bokuto screeched, cutting Oikawa off. He tentatively moved closer to Tetsurou, who dropped his hand when Koutarou immediately started fussing over him, brushing dark locks out of his eyes and cupping his sharp jaw.

"Because he's an idiot." Tsukishima deadpanned. If Kuroo wasn't gushing blood from his nose with a already bruising complexion, maybe Bo would have noticed the blush that consumed his cheeks when he placed a hand on each of the raven's cheeks, turning his face from side to side to inspect the damage. Up close, for his relief, it wasn’t so bad. He didn’t even think the nose was broken, it was just a lot of blood! making things look worse than they actually were. 

"I didn't know idiocy caused people to just start bleeding from the nose." Oikawa said frowning, watching Kuroo worriedly over Kou's shoulder. 

"It's a new phenomenon."

"What the fuck happened? Were you two fighting?" Bokuto turned, dropping his hands at his sides, but not daring to touch his pants. No, not another pair ruined by this guy!

"Yes." said Kuroo at the same time Tsukishima said "No."

"No," Kei repeated, looking pointedly at Tetsurou who glared back at him. "as I was saying this idiot decided it would be a good idea to climb up the fire exit of this old-ass building and fall on his face."

Bokuto was horrified. "You could get tetanus! And the fall! How high was it?"

The fire exit was pretty much as if Kou’s worst nightmare had come true, all rusty and falling apart, with sharp edges everywhere, like something straight out of a horror movie. In fact this whole alley was just awful! There was trash all around them, a dumpster not even ten foot away and a terrible smell of rotting. He had to contain the urge to whine in despair.

“It wasn’t that high and I _ didn’t— _” He aggressively emphasized, “fall on my face. The stair just came down on my face while I was trying to climb it, that’s all. I just have to get home and clean it.”

“You have to clean it now! Or you’ll get an infection!” 

“Well, the infection will have to wait forty minutes until I get to my apartment,” 

“What? You can’t walk for forty minutes like that!” Oh my god, Bokuto was about to rip his hair out. This guys was just senseless! His eyes were swollen pretty bad, he doubted he could even see five foot ahead, may have a concussion and was covered in blood. 

“I agree with Kou,” Oikawa’s silky voice said, while putting an arm around Bokuto’s shoulders, grinning and the white haired had the feeling nothing good would come out next. “wasn’t your apartment near here? You could take Kuroo there and clean his face, you know just to make sure he doesn’t get a infection and loses his nose.”

“I can’t! Akaashi—”

“Is at his parent’s house, he won’t even know.” He winked.

“Stop that!” Bokuto screeched throwing the arm around his shoulders off, and turning back to Kuroo who was watching them with a furrowed eyebrow. Man, his face was really fucked up. Is it even scientifically possible for a face to swallow that quickly? He internally huffed, hoping that his next words wouldn’t be a big mistake. 

“He’s right, it’s true. You can come with me. I have all the stuff you need, anyway.”

“Dude it’s fine. I’ve already went home in worst conditions.” Kuroo said surprised, touching the blood on his face then waving dismissively. “This is nothing, really.”

“Worst conditions?!” Bokuto whispered hopeless, both hands flailing around. “No. You’re coming home with me! It’s the sensible thing to do.” He nodded to himself and grabbed Kuroo’s blood sticky hands, with only a little bit of discomfort. _ It’s just blood and you’ve already touched his blood anyway! _

“Okay,” The raven said slowly, letting himself be dragged away from the alley where a silent Tsukishima and a smug Oikawa still standed.

Thankfully, in the relatively late hour, being a family building, all the regular families were inside, eating dinner or doing whatever regular families did, there’s was not a single soul in the lobby besides the doorman, who only looked a little bit alarmed at the sign of Tetsurou but apparently decided to let it go once he received one of Koutarou’s award winning smiles. 

Only when they were already situated inside the elevator, with the fourth floor bottom pressed, he realized that he still had Kuroo’s hand in a grip. He released it as subtly as he could, but apparently not subtle enough, if the side glance he received was any indicator.

“Your building is really fancy.” Tetsurou said awkwardly, sniffing before belatedly remembering his injury and wincing in pain. Poor thing, he could even see his eyes watering.

“How are you feeling?”

“Well, — my eyebrows don’t hurt.” He said making a face, wiggling his nose before sucking a breath in pain. Bokuto snorted.

“We’ll ice it once we get inside.” 

The elevator dinged and the doors opened to their floor, pristine white walls, decorated with some paintings here and there, and patterned dark blue with white details carpet surrounding them. He heard Kuroo whistle, or attempt to whistle, what with his possibly, _ please! _probably, not broken face.

“What?”

“This is really nice, like way too nice for a college student.” 

“Well, I’m not the one paying. And I share it with Akaashi remember?” He said while taking his keys out and the slothing the right one in the lock. “But thank you, I guess.” He shrugged.

“Yeah, but still. Your parents must be loaded.”

Bokuto placed his hand in the doorknob, twisting and opening the door to the dark entryway before turning around. “My dad, yes. I don’t have a mom. Take your shoes out before coming inside, please.”

The apartment wasn’t exactly fancy, but Koutarou supposed it was for Kuroo’s standards. It was a duplex,with two suites which worked great! for him and Akaashi, big living room with floor to ceiling windows — that were always covered by dark gray curtains — because Akaashi was a vampire, where they could see the park below — the same view Bo had from his room, the kitchen was in the same room only separated by a countertop, so Koutarou could usually watch Akaashi make the meals, or in the rare occasions where he cooked for himself still be able to watch TV. It was decently sized too — it was a family's building, after all — but cozy. He really liked it when they both went apartment hunting a couple months back. When he stepped inside he already knew that this was the one. 

Once inside he walked to the fridge, taking out their ice pack, involving it in a kitchen towel before giving it to Kuroo, who eyes immediately started watering when his nose came in contact with it.

He then went about his usual routine, because he needed some normalcy right now, turning on the string lights that covered the wall behind the couch, the ones lining the glass railing of the stairs and the pile of them under his hanging chair, he also lighted the candle that he liked, turning on every single shiny decoration he could think of because he needed something to focus! Or lots of things to focus!

Only then he turned back to his guest who was leaning on the kitchen counter dripping blood there too (oh my god if his roommate was here he would’ve had an aneurysm!).

“Here, paper towels! Stuff them in your nose please — and don’t bleed on the carpet, for the love of God!” He yelped, throwing a whole roll of paper towels across the kitchen, almost hitting the raven’s face in the process. “Sorry!” 

“Not your fault, sweetheart.” Kuroo said, taking squares out of the roll and attempting to clean his face. Koutarou felt his cheeks burn at the nickname but ultimately ignored it, instead running another kitchen towel under the sink with warm water, trying to act normal — completely forgetting how to do so and only realizing it once he was on his tip toes! — one hand grabbing at the tallers broad shoulders for stability (and oh Lord did he need stability!), on the other side of the counter, with his face millimeters! away from Kuroo’s cleaning the blood in the most gentle way possible. Of course, about this time he forgot how to function as a human being all together, and just standed there, wide eyed and — with no doubt blushing like a tomato, looking Tetsurou directly in the eyes, who had a surprised face on, but ultimately just looked amused. 

He cleaned his throat, chuckling lightly and looking around the apartment. It would be a super romantic moment, Koutarou vaguely thought, if Kuroo didn’t look like Voldemort right now. But swollen eyes or not, Bokuto could still see the coffee brown of Kuroo’s iris reflecting the gold and orange of the lights scattered around the room as his eyes danced from one garnish to the other. Like one of the galaxies from his science books in middle school. He could write poems about them, Koutarou was sure. Maybe something with brown sugar and chocolate — comforting, sweet things; and earth after rain, how it smells like beginnings and every color is brighter next to it. He would talk about the sharp edge of his gaze, like the edges on Bokuto's childhood home furniture. The furniture he lived among so lonely during years, the only thing that ever filled that house, besides the silence.

“Your apartment is — blinding.” Kuroo croaked, referring to all the glistening pieces around them contrasting with the dark gray walls. Bokuto didn’t even had to turn on the ceiling lights to had the whole room iluminate.

He vaguely and very slowly moved his eyes from the man in front of him to his surroundings, but the moment his vision came in focus with the bright lights it was like his mind had came in focus too. 

“I like shiny things,” He blurted, hastily stepping back with his arms raised in front of him, as if guarding himself — from what he didn’t know. Maybe from those dark eyes that were so blown out with black it looked like craters, ones that Bokuto was shy of falling the edge of, in an attempt chase that spark he swore was hidden there, just waiting to set aflame.

Kuroo grinned lazily, a charming smile no doubt, practically daring the white haired to fall in love with it, almost as captivating as his eyes. _ Dangerous, _ came back to the front of Kou’s mind at the mere sign of it. 

“Me too.” He said, gazing at Bokuto’s honey-filled eyes.

Oh no, — the spark had catch on fire.

And _ that _was the moment Koutarou realized he had picked a whole entire bouquet of oopsie-daisies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed it, i hope to post the next chapter soon, i knooow it's slow burn i'm sorry!! but things will pick up soon i have hopes. also we learn more about bokuto next chapter too. i mean, at least that's what i'm planning.


	7. kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night

“Ya-hoo,” Oikawa sang the exact moment the door swung open and a very unimpressed Koutaro appeared. “Good morning Kou.”

“What you’re doing here?” Bokuto half-heartedly whined with semi-open eyes, dragging himself out of the way so Oikawa could slide past him. “Take your shoes off, a-hole.”

“Rude.” But Tooru was already bending down and sticking his pointer in the back of his loafers. “I was on my way to getting breakfast when I remembered you saying that Akaashi always cooked,” he huffed straightening up, his chocolate brown strands had fallen on his eyes but Oikawa effortlessly blew them away from them, and somehow! they fell perfectly back in place with the rest. “So I figured you would have nothing to eat today and that we should have breakfast together.” 

Before Bokuto could blink, a white box was shoved on his face. The blond frowned, affronted — not by the box, or by Tooru’s smile, which would be a plausible reason because it was kind of pissing him off, especially at this hour of the morning. How did he even had the energy, for real. “I know how to cook!” he yelped indignantly. “Besides Akaashi left food prepared in the fridge.” But Bokuto still snatched the box, rather greedily and desperate, because he had a feeling that it was definitely more tasty than what he was planning on eating. _ You can always thank him later. _

“What food?” Oikawa ventured inside the apartment after being polite enough to kick his shoes in line with the others in the entryway, — thing that Bokuto would like to point, Tetsurou did not. 

It was eight am, on a friday (red flags) when Koutaro learned that Oikawa was as determined and diligent as he looked. His hair was wavy and shiny, the lights in the room defusing in the strands as he moved. His clothes were ironed and his grin was somehow more blinding than the lamps. Of course, Koutaro hadn’t slept his best and for that reason had overlooked the glossed-over bloodshot eyes or how trembly the corners of his smile was, as if he was making a monumental effort to keep it in place.

Kou himself was in a faded shirt, shorts, his hair a rat's nest and wearing the grumpiest complexion possible which, he would like to point out, wasn’t really normal for him! He hadn’t even washed his face yet, and he didn't even want to think about how swollen it was, with all the crying he did yesterday (it wasn't a lot, but still!). It’s not like Bokuto gets up late, he usually wakes up pretty early, but last night had been kinda of draining on him and he had decided he would, for once, treat himself and sleep in late. But as always, nothing he planned ever worked out._ It’s okay to be tired, _ he reminded himself, _ everyone gets tired and grumpy, is a basic bodily function. Besides no one expects you to be put together all the time. _ No one _ is put together all the time. _Except Oikawa apparently. 

“Overnight oatmeal,” He mumbled, walking towards the kitchen. 

“Oatmeal? Delightful. For a middle-aged vegan woman. I bet is made with almond milk, and have some berries in it,” Oikawa teased, sitting on one of the high stools facing the kitchen space. “No processed sugar too! Is it brown sugar or honey? Maple syrup?” It was regular milk and normal white sugar but Bokuto thought he liked the idea of people thinking he and his roommate were _ that _healthy. “Do you have coffee? I needed a cup of coffee about three hours ago.”

“What were doing awake three hours ago?” Bokuto voiced in half wonder half horror. 

Oikawa was, — Bokuto decided: determined, diligent and _ odd _ . The best way to describe was that he was hot and cold then hot again. He would get this distant cold look and glassy eyes, withdrawing into himself, as his guards went up and from ten feet you could tell that he wanted to be alone. It was like a reverse magnetic field! Emanating _ “I don’t need you and I have no use to your small talk” _ . It covered every direction all around him. And then suddenly something in him snapped, and he became another one entirely. His cheekiness and laughter too much — too big for happy, too fake. _ Feverish _ . His soul was as unstable and as sick as a fever. But then he thought that they went to the same group therapy _ thingy _, of course Tooru was sick.

Bokuto fidgeted with the plastic bag on the counter biting his lip in worry. This was already all weird and he was finding himself more and more uncomfortable. It wasn’t because of the situation, no. Everything was fine. Tooru’s company was very nice and he was okay with eating whatever his friend (_ were they friends or acquaintances? _) bought, because he recognized the logo and knows he loves the bakery it was from, but it was what everything represented. In a matter of minutes! things could change from pleasant to way-too-much-out-my-comfort-zone. And he honestly didn’t know if he would be able to just nod along and let things happen.

Yesterday things had been too much. His fingers were trembling while he tended to Kuroo’s face, as professionally as an unprofessional could do. He was panicking obviously. Why wouldn’t he? He was seventy five percent sure he had a crush on the guy that was only inches apart from his face, and that alone was enough to send his nerves highwire even if Tetsurou had given all the clues that he was interested too. But that’s what made everything worse, because a relationship or something blooming from this was possible and not a fleeting thought and a shrug accompanied by an “_ oh well I knew it wouldn’t work I’m so happy I didn’t cultivate hope or put effort into it! _”. And well, there was this other thing called his anxiety. 

Here’s a thing you may have not picked up: Bokuto Koutaro was not a free spirit. Not anymore. He had seen that his actions actually had a price, later on, and that if he wasn’t careful he may lose something dear to him. And he had Akaashi and his dad and Shouyou. He had some decent friends, an okay routine and better than the average college student life. He was fine. He was comfortable. 

Here’s another: he actually liked to be alone. Not because of the echoes that followed him around the house that was always perfect for reading or writing or spending the whole day looking up at the ceiling. Those things were just a side thing that happened when you are by yourself. He enjoyed it because he had control over his own space. 

Yes, Bokuto was a very outgoing and social person, but he also sometimes enjoyed the freedom the solitude gave him. If he didn’t want to go out he wouldn’t. No one would be expecting him to. He didn’t have to do anything he wasn’t feeling like doing. Everyone and everything was kept at arm's length, not too close so they can see you or lean on you but no too far that they forget you. And he wasn’t solitary. There was things that had carved their way into his life and that he was okay with. Shouyou. Akaashi. He didn’t mind being alone but he liked having someone to talk after class. Koutaro liked drinking with his friend, and cooking dinner and watching TV. And maybe he wasn’t by himself all the time, Keiji just had a very quiet existence. He never really pushed Bo out of his comfort zone. But he wouldn't be there all the time. He already wasn’t. 

Bokuto would say that he liked solitude but he would feel hollow every time his words would be swallowed by the empty apartment, like blood soaking into cotton. And he couldn't blame Keiji. They were best friends yes, but they were also separate people. And Kou understood that his friend was going after different things and that they weren't going to be together forever. In fact they shouldn't. In fact Bokuto didn't want to. He was living his life with one thought in front of his mind, _ I'm young, I have time. I can fix this later. I can start living later. _

And Akaashi was different from him, even if he had his own reservations, they weren’t for everything in his life. Keiji had an aversion to filthy and mess but he didn't have a problem with giving his heart away. It was maybe a way of giving up control. Keiji knew how many times he should wash his hand, or what places he deemed safe and clean enough to eat at, but this part of himself he left for someone else to care for.

_ "I want to be reckless, but I know my own limits." _ He confessed over dinner, after announcing that he had a date with the barista from the expensive coffee shop, in the hipster neighbourhood. The guy that always wore a face mask and spent more time cleaning each cup from fingerprints than making drinks. _ "It's okay because even if they're the wrong one, and I get hurt, it’ll still be worth it and things will eventually be okay. _"

"_ So I'll give this little control away. I need to start living now. _"

That's what he said and with that Bokuto knew his friend's motives. _ I want to do something worth remembering. And if I can't do it the conventional way I'll do it this way. I'll content myself by loving the wrong people. _

It wasn't the smartest thing to do, and Bokuto had wondered countless of times _ why _ do that. Especially since Akaashi's failed relationships played a huge part on why Koutaro was so reticent about romance. His parents too. The blond didn't really have any positive examples about romantic relationships in his life, and that was why, whenever one of his friends started sporting dumb love-struck looks on their face and telling rushed excuses to not hang out anymore, he would have the urge to roll his eyes in exasperation. But instead he would just smile and say that it wasn't a problem they could spend time later. And they would, he knew. He always had the last laugh. 

When someone close to him engaged in a relationship, Koutaro felt like it was the beginning of his neutral-evil plan. He did nothing. Just stayed on his designed place waiting for things to blow over when he could mentally say _ I told you so. _

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

He wasn't afraid of entering a relationship, no! It was the things that came with one. The changes. If things stayed as they were supposed to be he wouldn't be opposite! He thinks it would even be fun. Having someone by your side is nice, but who would want to do the exact same thing everyday like Bokuto did? Who would want their days to blend one into the other like his? Certainly not Kuroo. He would feel trapped and bored, and Kou was too soft, too malleable and he would change for him, because something like this changes a person, it changes their lives and everything in it. You morph your life to fit the person and what you want. You start making space on your life for them, taking pieces of your time to gift them. But Bokuto didn't have those pieces to give away. He already had something that consumed all of it.

Inside Kou’s head it was all a chorus of _ you have to feed the lion, you have to keep things the way they are or it won’t be happy. Or _ you _ won’t be happy. _ And jumbled with this mess was the thought of: _ I’m sick. _ This is most definitely _ not _ ! how normal people think. This is not what his therapist used to say. _ Don’t feed the lion. _ But what did his therapist know anyway, he didn’t have a lion! Koutaro did! He still had! He had to nourish it or it would hurt him. And yeah, he shouldn’t take care of what could kill him but it’s fine. It could kill him but Bokuto had hopes it wouldn’t. They had been like this for so many years; why change now? It had always been like this. It _ felt _like it had always been like this.

Last night his eyes were stinging as he made Tetsurou comfortable on the couch, no longer thinking, just going on autopilot. He had time to be mortified later, when he realized he had tucked a full grown man to sleep — and have been _ this _ close of kissing him goodnight on the forehead. The only thing keeping Bokuto from curling up into a ball and collapsing right there, in front of Kuroo and in the middle of his living room, was the compromise he had made in his head: _ As soon as the rush is over I’m going to have a nervous breakdown! I worked for it; I owe it to myself and nobody is going to deprive me of it. _ And so he proceeded to have one in the shower, coming out of the bathroom with pink skin from how scalding the water had been, on an effort to get his brain back in the game. He was sick. What normal person thinks like that? What healthy person doesn’t want to get better?

_ At least I’m aware of it _, Bokuto thought bitterly, while he dried his hair with the towel, with a little bit more force than necessary. What was important was that he was feeling better. He was better. Crying really did help him. It didn’t solve the problems but he didn’t do it for that reason, it was to release. Release the pressure so things wouldn’t built up inside of him and explode. And anyway, the lion wouldn’t want the problems solved.

Later already in bed and feeling the familiar dizziness of sleep consume his mind, making it easier for him to lose control, he let himself remember Kuroo's eyes so close to his, so full of want, and the good feeling in Bokuto's chest that blossomed with it, the pride of knowing that look was directed at him and because of him. And the maybes and what ifs floated is his head, following him to dreamland. Bokuto liked to be alone. He liked riding the bus alone, eating alone, walking alone. But everytime he saw people laughing together at the most ordinary of places, a grocery store, the park in the middle of the afternoon, the gym; or when he saw lovers holding hands at the cafe down the street at five am sharing a piece of cake and a hot beverage, squished together under an umbrella with soft smiles and even softer glances, lying down on the grass listening to music and watching the sky. Those times he realized that even though he liked being alone Koutaro didn’t _ fancy _ being lonely.

Blinking back to the present he finally managed to free the box from its plastic prison, placing it on the counter and opening the white package, finding himself face to face with three terribly colorful mini-cakes. They were so bright his still half-asleep brain needed a moment to collect itself and make sense of the image his eyes were supplying. _ Yes, it appears to be food, Koutaro. _

“What is it?” Oikawa leaned over to peak inside the box when he noticed Bokuto’s disturbed face. “Did they get smashed? I was super careful with them, though.” He whined.

“Why are they… so green?” He grimaced, pushing the box away and walking to the far corner of the kitchen where they kept the coffee machine. “I once ate a black birthday cake and pooped green for like, three days. It was super weird.”

“I don’t think that’s appropriate breakfast talk, Kou.” Oikawa’s flat voice sounded from the counter where he was perched, glancing around the apartment seemingly mindlessly but the curiosity was clear on his wide gaze; his eyebrows were a little higher than normal, his features a little softer and more innocent. “So…” He sang in a honeyed voice, trying to appear nonchalant, failing considering that Bokuto looked up from where he was sorting through the K-cups basket. _ Oh _.

The blond abandoned the task and wordlessly walked around the kitchen and into the living room, marching to the curtains, his bare feet making thumping noises against the soft carpet. He blasted them open in one swift grandiose gesture as if presenting a great art piece for the first time, blinking rapidly with a contorted face when the light from outside momentaneously blinded him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he detected the hiss coming out from the big lump laying on his couch.

“He did stay over.” Oikawa mused from his seat, a grin stamped on his face. “Tetsu, how are we feeling?”

Well, if Kuroo _ looked _ like Voldemort yesterday, this morning _ he is _ the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Bokuto winced, feeling so bad that he even closed the curtains again, knowing that the light must be hurting the injured. Maybe they should have gone to the doctor. His under eyes were purple and green-blotched, pretty much everything from his cheekbones up was swollen, no sign of the angled face they were used to seeing.

“Like all of my mistakes lead up to this moment,” Kuroo groaned, helping himself up. Bokuto of course, slightly panicking and distressed over the sign in front of him and unable to not fret over the other’s state was already by his side, two fingers under his chin, scratchy with one day old stubble, moving his head from side to side.

“What you are feeling right now is regret.” Oikawa revealed, getting up from the stool and walking around the kitchen, opening cabinets and picking a mug, as if in his own house while the resident ran around him in a frenzy to get another ice pack.

“I don’t need your judgement.” Tetsurou rebutted, placing the pack on the middle of his face and leaning against the back of the couch. His neck was exposed, showing off his Adam’s apple moving with his throat. The collar of his shirt was a little too stretched around his deep collar bones and tanned skin. Bokuto for a second forgot about the man’s face, hit with the uncontrollable urge to bury his face there and brush his lips against every piece of skin he could see, smell Kuroo’s musk, the mixture of cigarettes and his cologne, kiss that sharp jaw that would probably be rough with stubble and rest his head there.

“I brought cake.”

“Hell, yeah.” Kuroo mumbled, getting up and finally breaking the spell Koutaro was under.

“You can’t eat cake, you’re all bloated.” Bokuto hissed placing his hands on the taller’s shoulders to gently lay him down on the couch again. “I’ll get you some oatmeal.” 

“What the fuck is oatmeal? And fuck that, I want cake.”

“You look minutes away from dying. Dairy and too much sugar is bad when you’re inflamed.” Bokuto tried to reason, eyeing Kuroo warily.

“If I’m dying let me eat cake.” Kuroo got up, he opened his mouth in what Bo guessed was the beginning of a yawn but closed it immediately, wincing. _ The hell is wrong with this guy, can’t he see he needs to chill? _

“You’re not dying.” Tooru rolled his eyes exasperate.

“Let me eat cake anyway.” 

Bokuto felt like screaming for the third time in last than twelve hours.

“Can you even breathe through your nose?!”

“Um,” Kuroo blinked. “No? And I don’t wanna try.”

Bokuto blanched. “Maybe you should go to the doctor? Do you have anti-inflammatory at your house?”

“Nope, I go through life with aspirin and alcohol.”

“It’s okay I have some, I’ll go get it—”

“Listen dude,” Kuroo sighed shaking Bokuto’s hands off him when he tried to force him back to the couch. Koutaro immediately retreated wincing. _ Annoying, annoying. _ “I’m used to it okay? Not the first time I fucked up my face this year. Don’t worry.” 

Bokuto silently nodded and stiffly turned to the kitchen with his face burning and a weight at the back of his throat. _ Don’t worry. _ How was he supposed to do that when everything goes wrong if he doesn’t. Somedays Bokuto will wake up and immediately start to worry, even though nothing is wrong. It just _ feels _like trouble is ahead and is better safe than sorry. But not at the cost of being annoying and inconvenient. Never that. 

A hand grabbed his shoulder before he could give the first step, making he look up with wide eyes at Kuroo. The raven glanced at the floor, at the ceiling — everywhere but the person in front of him — and Bokuto internally cringed thinking _ great, I’ve made him uncomfortable. Great job Koutaro. _But then the other's eyes finally settled into Bokuto’s, dark and sober, like black coffee, full of resolve behind them. It was impressive that he could convey all that with just a look, considering that the upper half of his face was completely expressionless what with all the swollen and bruising.

“I’m serious, you don’t have to worry. Last year my friends wrapped me in sellotape from head-to-toe and chased me around until I fell on my face. I broke my nose, four teeth, had a severe concussion and carpet burn all over my face.” Bokuto gaped at him. “We were bored okay!” He said defensively, before sobering up back to the serious face. “So, you know, I’ve had worse. But— I won’t stop you from helping as long as you let me eat whatever I want.” He finished awkwardly, sniffing and focusing his gaze on something behind Koutaro’s shoulders. The blond could swear that the other was blushing, but it was hard to tell with the redness already going on from the inflamation. Bokuto was still speechless.

“Okay,” He said, slowly turning around but keeping his eyes on Kuroo, still too shocked to look away from the boy. “The plates are in the cupboards, if you want to drink coffee…”

“I’ll help!” Exclaimed a giddy voice from behind them startling both. Bokuto and Kuroo turned around to face a smirking Oikawa as if they had just stolen the last cookie from the jar, but if they did Tooru clearly didn’t mind. Actually he seemed pretty happy about it. “I’ll help Tetsurou make his coffee, I mean. I doubt he wants anyone but you touching his face right now.” The brunet smirked watching Kuroo cough awkwardly to the side. 

Koutaro blindly nodded, hurriedly excusing himself to run to his bathroom and retrieve the medicine, his heart hammering in his chest, his cheeks on fire and a stubborn curve to his lips. 

* * *

“We should watch a movie.” Oikawa said grabbing the remote and already turning on the TV.

“I can’t see nothing.” Kuroo whined, lying sprawled on the couch. 

“Well that’s your problem, Kou and I can still watch it.” 

“Fuck you.” Kuroo kicked Oikawa’s thighs with both of his feet making him sway sharply and kick him in return, and when Bokuto looked the two were already wrestling like two toddlers.

“Tooru he’s sick, leave him alone,” Bokuto broke the fight not being gentle at all, despite his words, smacking his hand square on Kuroo’s face to shove him away from the other making him welp in pain. “Sorry,” He beamed sitting in the middle of the couch while the raven huffed and adjusted himself, sitting criss-cross applesauce with a sour face.

“We could watch Jurassic World.”

“I’ll not watch that bullshit!” Kuroo barked and his eyes held a fire, so full of determination and finality that Bokuto couldn’t help but grin. They were _ so _ watching it.

* * *

Koutaro was at the kitchen, steering their hot chocolate, his belly was warm from the fire in the stove and from the sound of Kuroo and Oikawa arguing in the living room, something about the inaccuracies of the T-Rex in the movie. They’re not really arguing though. Not for real. Kuroo had a soft tilt to his lips, that he was trying to mask into a smirk and Oikawa’s eyes were shining just a little too much and were a little too wrinkled in the corners. The three of them had blushes high on their cheeks and the house was tickling with Bokuto’s laughter while he carried their mugs into the room and placed himself between them both, bringing his knees close to his chest so his feet could rest on the couch too, his shoulder brushing Kuroo’s and his thigh pressing into Tooru’s hips. A warmth spread on his chest and face, making him sigh softly. He was trembling with excitement and glee, and everywhere they touched him burned a little. It was exciting, having this, making friends, spending time with someone doing something you could do alone but you wanted to share the moment with others_. _Touching someone just because is comfortable, so casually. The only person outside of his family he had this with was Akaashi, and it was nice and he loved his friend so very much but they were best friends since forever, it was natural. The sense of accomplishment of knowing someone wanted to touch you outside of anything carnal faded long ago. But now it was back and Bokuto was positively glowing on the inside. 

“Who cares about the Tyrannosaurus, they have that super cool aquatic one.” He said wiggling his butt to get comfortable, trying not to spill any of his drink on himself. 

Kuroo gasped, “How dare you say that?! The T-Rex is the best! Everyone fears the T-Rex!”

“But you just said that he wouldn’t even be able to hunt—”

“I said that,” He snapped, glaring at Tooru who was snickering under his hand. “But the version that we’re all fed — the incorrect image — is cooler than the Mosasaurus. They can’t even do anything besides eat fish.”

“They eat a shark in the movie…” Bokuto recalled. 

“Whatever! It was dead! They didn’t even hunt the shark!”

“But they eat the big dinosaur in the end,” Tooru said, his mug was raised to his lips not doing much to hide the sly grin there. “And technically he hunts it _ outside _of the water which is even cooler. And,” He quickly added before Kuroo could interrupt him, “He does it because your beloved T-Rex couldn’t finish them!”

“Because she was injured! And that was the least that oversized alligator could have done! It did nothing the entire movie, only eat _ one _person…”

* * *

"Say Kou," Oikawa rested his head on Bokuto's shoulder. "How's it living with Akaashi?"

Bokuto frowned, confused with the question, "Normal?" 

The brunet craned his head to send him a disbelieving look through his lashes, but it was ultimately ignored when Koutaro was suddenly struck with how beautiful he was. His eyes took in the smooth skin dotted with little freckles, like a fawn's cheek, the big eyes that could say so much with just one look, the color of the beverage inside their mugs, warm and sweet and comforting. He was pleasant to look at. And _ easy _. His looks sure could hide his sadness.

A warmth build up from his chest and moved up, up to his throat getting lodged there with the desire to touch. To spill this sensation inside the other's mouth. So tempting. Instead Bokuto shrugged and turned back to the TV, leaning just the tiniest amount into Kuroo. The raven felt solid and safe, even with the barest amount of contact, just their arms touching. It made Koutaro want to cling to him, wrap his arms around his middle and bury his face on his neck, smell his scent and feel his skin, more warm than any fire could hope to be. To kiss his lips and taste the sweet chocolate and the cigarette he smoked outside on the balcony while Bokuto fetched the medicine. To feel his bones sinking into Koutaro's skin, sharp and uncomfortable, but something to _ feel _.

"Isn't he like, a clean freak or something?" Kuroo said with disdain and Bokuto tried not to get too offended on his friend's behalf.

"He's not a clean freak. He's got OCD." 

Kuroo smirked "And what is his compulsion?"

Koutaro squinted at him, bemused "Germs," he told slowly, then mumbled "and other stuff" quickly at the end. Kuroo chuckled amusedly at his side making Bokuto huff, not exactly upset or annoyed or anything, he just didn't want to talk about Akaashi's problems. It felt wrong, talking about his compulsions like that, as if they were entertaining or topic for small talk. Besides he was afraid if he said something it would sound worse than it actually was, since everything sounded pretty reasonable in his head until he said them out loud. 

"It isn't bad, I like living with Akaashi, I like it a lot. He's just particular about certain stuff and I don't really gotta _ do _ anything, I just have to try and _ don't _ do somethings."

It was mostly true. The only thing bokuto had to do was wash his hands after getting home and some minor things that he could get away with not doing if his roommate wasn't home. and besides, Akaashi did a lot more for him than Bokuto did in return.

"He seems pretty opposed to group, though." Tooru mumbled, snuggling more into bokuto's shoulder. 

"He doesn't think it is going to work." 

"Does anyone?" Kuroo snorted.

"Is not like that, is kind of a pride thing," Bokuto sighed for what must have been the millionth time, slumping more against Kuroo and reaching an arm around Oikawa’s shoulders. Suddenly he got the urge to kiss both in the forehead. "Most people are in group 'cause they have a problem, right? but 'Kaashi doesn't think he's gotta a problem." Koutaro hummed thoughtfully, pondering if he should talk honestly or not. At the end he thought _ fuck it, _ they were all pretty fucked up and he was sure Keiji was very well one of the most normal out of them. Or at least less troublesome with minimal consequences on other people's lives. "In truth I think he knows he's got a problem but he doesn't want to admit it, because he's gone so long telling his parents and everyone that." _ He doesn't like being wrong _, he added in his head.

"He doesn't want to be lumped up with the rest of us losers." Kuroo cracked a smile, and Kou was surprised to see it was well humoured. 

Tooru chuckled quietly from his side of the couch, mug of hot chocolate long empty resting in the gap between his thighs. "In his defense the image most people have of a therapy group is not something you want to be associated with." 

Tetsurou grunted, taking the last sip of his mug "I felt like in a Tarantino movie the first session," he paused. "Except less poetic and melancholic. More shitty and boring. And depressing"

"Well, you just described my entire life." It should've been a joke, but when Bokuto caught not only Kuroo, but himself nodding to Oikawa's statement he knew that it was far from one. And how pathetic was that?

* * *

"Your bedhead is cute." Koutaro was in the middle of a debate with himself about how the most unrealistic part in Jurassic World was that woman running a marathon in heels, _ She also ran in the forest? _ or if the girls were lying about how hard and uncomfortable it was to use them, when Kuroo blurted it.

He blinked, pausing with the mug halfway to his mouth. "Thanks?" 

Oikawa snorted. "So much for flirting," He mumbled.

Koutaro ignored him, more concerned with the Marshmallow Man wannabe in front of him, glaring daggers at Tooru, looking frazzled and redder by the minute. His mouth was also set in an awkward line and the blond was starting to grow concerned that maybe he had a headache.

"You got a fever?" He frowned. Just as he had thought they were finally in the clear!

Oikawa’s shoulders shaked with silent laughter, smile shining with more than just amusement. "I don't know, do I?" Kuroo entoned through his teeth still glaring at the brunet behind Bokuto. "You're the one taking care of me." 

"Okaaay. Stay puft Marshmallow Man, I'll get the thermometer." He sighed, dragging himself out of the couch and running upstairs. Tooru’s laughter carried all the way from the living room and into the stairs, jumbled with Kuroo’s indignant yelp of "What did you call me?!", making Bokuto beam because Oikawa’s laugh wasn’t at all like the soft melodic one he had heard from him before. 

Kuroo indeed had a little fever, but Bokuto wasn't sure whose face was hotter when the raven leaned in to give him a peck in the cheek as a thank you kiss when he left later in the evening, with a still very tender face, a full stomach (no oatmeal! even though Bokuto tried to push him to take some home, not that he didn’t want to eat it, of course not, pshh), and a plastic bag full of medicine. It was a quick little thing, less than a second but just long enough for Bokuto to take in his body heat and his scent. He was right, Kuroo smelled like cigarettes and Old Spice deodorant, the kind, he briefly thought amused, you buy when you're thirteen and wants to smell like a real man. And he thought he might never smell that fragrance again without remembering the raven, the same way he’ll maybe always remember today when drinking hot chocolate in a rainy september day or eating neon green cakes at the kitchen counter. 

In retrospect for an outsider it may have seemed silly, the way Koutaro's nose wrinkled with a smile and his cheeks flushed pink. It wasn't a profound gesture or anything, but it was _ something _. It had potential. And so Bokuto collected it like a magpie does with shiny things, storing them in his nest for the simple fact that they could be interesting. The next big thing can be a lot of small things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been really long, anyway someone drew [this](https://twitter.com/bouncyboyhop/status/1209522440814153730) cute picture from last chapter, i thought it was very sweet


End file.
